Cliff Pant-one

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius vs. Another Bullshit Night in Suck City

Here are two books with long titles, but only one can be the winner!  It's an all-out battle for the Ms!  Just to remind you, Cliff Pant-one's highest rating is MMMMM (5 out of 5 Ms)!  Some sink.  Others swim.  Who will win tonight?!

I read amazing reviews for A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers.  The synopsis sounded amazing; the story of a 20 something raising his eight year old brother after the death of his parents.  The book was even nominated for a Pulitzer.  Well, I finished the book.  The main reason- I was searching for the staggering genius. I just did not like this book at all.  The book starts off fine, but then the focus is shifted from Eggers' relationship with his brother to a  zine he starts with his friends.  There is also a lot of talking about MTV's The Real World...and it's all sandwiched in between him whining and preaching about how everybody in the world owes him something because of his situation.  So basically, I didn't enjoy this book.  It kind of made me mad that he would give it such a high and mighty title.  Maybe people thought it was so great because they were blindsided by the name.  Whatever.  In my opinion, I give it MM.

Now, I'll move onto the second contender: Another Bullshit Night in Suck City by Nick Flynn.  This title seems like it's trying a little too hard, and from that, I really didn't expect to be overwhelmed by the book.  But I was surprised.  In my opinion, Flynn should be the one with the Pulitzer nomination.  Maybe he and Eggers should just go ahead and switch titles???  So anyways, this is the memoir of Nick, a man whose father has never been a part of his life.  Nick begins working at a homeless shelter, and eventually his father comes in as one of the guests one night and their relationship evolves.  There is more before and after that, of course, but that's just a general idea.  Flynn writes beautifully, without taking unnecessary detours that have nothing to do with anything.  Unlike Eggers, he keeps things relevant.  I was caught up in Flynn's journey, and was able to sympathize.  It is dark but witty.  At times it was intense, but never uncomfortably so.  It didn't beg.  It was just right!  I give it MMMMM! DING! DING! DING! We have a winner.  Bravo, Flynn! 

Spotted: Truck with Testicles!

Driving back to Raleigh from Durham, I noticed a truck with balls hanging from the boat hitch.  I've seen these before, but this truck was exceptionally rednecky.  In addition to the gonads, it had camouflage contact paper stuck to the sides of its bottom half and countless stickers about hunting (even one with a boy relieving his bladder on PETA).

Sometimes I wonder about these people. I always try to speed up and look at them, but I didn't catch a glimpse of this guy. Do these people think the balls are funny, or do they see it as a proclamation of manhood?   Usually, I think they're a riot, but something made me think this guy was just a huge douche-bag. 

Then I got to thinking, do they have these up north?

Perhaps I should get some nuts to hang from my Subaru. 

Anyways, here is a picture I took on 147.  Maybe not the best place to be snapping shots, but I had to.

As always, XOXO~ Cliff Pant-one

Update:  If you want to see lots of these,take a short drive south.  According to a source, testical boat hitches flow like wine in Benson...and I'm really not surprised.

Cliff's Favorite Things (just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Afrin

I'm sick, and Afrin Nasal Spray is my crack.  I know that I'm not supposed to like Afrin, but I do...a little too much.  You are only supposed to use it like every 12 hours, but I use it much more frequently.  I know that this will end up in addiction, and I will have to wien myself off and eventually detox-  a process that is never fun. I just can't help it.  It's such a quick fix. 

In fact, I found myself at Harris Teeter at 2 a.m. the other night just trying to get a bottle!  Gosh, It wasn't long ago that I was shooting Afrin everyday, sick or not.  I kicked the habit, but this cold might be what ignites the relapse.  My father is concerned. 

Either way, it's one of my favorite things.  You will love it.  Try it if you have a clogged nose.  Two squirts per nostril and you're breathing clear!  Just remember that it is addicting.  You don't want to end up with a deviated septum!  Enjoy responsibly.

Frozen in Time: More of Raleigh's Innocent Bystanders

Once again, you may click on the images to enlarge.

Exhibit A)  Woman looks to have just seen a ghost behind friends and I at a bar.  Apparently we aren't seeing what she saw.  (Note that I edited the color of this photo to better illustrate the bystander- we aren't that pale...if we were, I would understand that she thought she'd seen a ghost).

Exhibit B) Okay, there are a few things to observe in this photo.  #1-Beady eyed woman to our left appears possessed by the flash of the camera, or else she looks like she is about to cry...or is stoned.  #2-  Passing man looks slightly irritated/slightly intrigued, but manages to be captured nicely.  #3- I just wanted to point out the lovely macram shirt...Just  sayin'...macram is something near and dear to my heart.

Ode to Mariah Carey's TRL Ice Cream Meltdown 2001

Today I got to thinking how random it is that Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon.  He seems totally average, and she is like a mega-diva who wears outdated clothing and sunglasses when she's inside.  I was commenting on this to my roommate, and all of a sudden, I remembered my favorite Mariah moment.   Well, it is actually probably the only Mariah moment that ever had any sort of impact on my life.  I haven't really been a big fan since "Always Be My Baby."

The moment I recalled is this: It's 2001,and am in 10th grade.  I've probably just come home from school and am eating a snack in front of the TV, which is playing TRL (a show that I never paid much attention to, yet always seemed to be on in High School). Carson Daily is about to cut to a commercial, when all of a sudden Mariah Carey bursts onto the set with an ice cream cart, wearing an oversized T-shirt.  She begins acting crazy, and Carson is obviously caught off guard.

I remember thinking, What is the world is going on?  Did they plan this?  I think Mariah may be insane...Now remember, this is long before the BHS (Britney Head Shave), so the clip might seem tame in comparison with some of the events the public has witnessed since its airing.  Regardless, I find it highly entertaining.  My favorite quote from the segment is, "Every now and then, somebody needs a little therapy, and today is that moment for me.  Everything's great!  Hello!"

Enjoy:

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Daily Dagger #15: Because uncomfortable moments can be like daggers to the heart!

Set-up: I went to the McDonalds drive-through with my sister Katie.  She was driving and I was in the passenger seat.  I wanted ice cream, and she didn't want anything.

Drive-Through Voice: Welcome to McDonalds!  What can I get for you?
Katie: One hot-fudge sundae- no nuts, please.
Drive-Through Voice: That will be $1.08.  Please drive around.
[we drive to the window where we are greeted by a young man working the cash register]
Cashier: That'll be $1.08.  [grabs money from Katie and starts to hand us the sundae, but stops].  Why you want no nuts?!
Katie: It's for her. [points to me]
Cashier: You ain't want no nuts?
Me: I'm allergic.
Cashier: [hands over the ice cream] So you can't handle the nutttsssss? [eyebrows dance wildly]
Katie: Uhhhhhh?!?  [drives off quickly]

Did you have an awkward moment?  Email me, and it could be tomorrow's Daily Dagger!

Cystex: Girl on the Go

I was looking up information on the internet, the TV on in the background.  I wasn't paying attention to what was on, until a concentrated monotone voice called out to me.  I looked up.  A snaggle-toothed woman in a jean jacket stared from the screen, speaking intensely (and hardly pausing between sentences) from her cubicle. 

They called me "The Girl on the Go," I went to the bathroom so often.  Frequent burning urination!  There!  I said it!  Cystex, with its double action doctor recommended formula, fights the pain and helps control infection.  Only Cystex!  Take it from an "Ex Girl on the Go," Cystex works!

Yikes!  She doesn't kid around.  Props to her for speaking up about such an uncomfortable issue in front of all her coworkers.

Visit Cystex's website here!

Happy Birthday!

Next: Third Enstallment

I'm Nate.  I'm 21.  I'm a future chiropractor, so you know I like it KINKYYYY!!! [squeezes fists in front of chest and thrusts hips]

I'm Alex.  I'm 22, and I can SALSA DANCE [does cha cha move]....but this girl's salsa better not be chunky!

I'm Brittany.  I'm 18, and if this guy wants the OTHER Britney before she turned into a pear-shaped mess, then I'm it!

I'm Alexis.  I'm 21, and if this guys hot, I'll get a little horny for 'em! [squeezes hand in the air and makes very realistic honking noise]

I'm MiMi.  I love Oktoberfest, so I need a guy that can handle the sausage!

I'm Stevland.  I'm 20, and this girl is gonna pick me just so she can she she hanged out with a guy named Stevland!

I'm kellen.  I'm 25, and I really hope I get off that bus before my body beard starts to grow back...

I'm Brett.  I'm 18, and I'll win cuz I'm an Irish step dancer with a pot of gold in my manties!  {hops around in jig fashion]

I'm Jarvis.  I'm 23, and I'm a home repairman- so you know I'll wink at this girl with my butt crack

I'm Erik.  I'm 20, and I dance ballet.  I can't WAIT to get this girl into first position!

An Oldie but a Goodie: Time Travel Speed!

Hillbillies in a Tent

I like to watch Jerry Springer at lunch (a guilty pleasure, I guess).  It is really a hilarious show.  The other day, the topic was "Hillbillies in a Tent."  Here is a synopsis of the show from The Jerry Springer Show's website:

"Drunkin' nights in a tent! Jake is married to Crystal but wants to be with Ashley! Jake likes to get drunk with Ashley and sleep with her in her tent! Crystal wants Jake to stop sleeping with Ashley and come back to her!"

So, it is almost impossible for me to describe how funny this was.  Jake seemed like the dumbest person on the planet.  He was happy with Crystal before they had the baby, when all they would do was go out and get drunk.  Gosh!  I wish I had recorded this show, so I could remember exactly what he said. 

Here is a short clip I found on YouTube.  I will have to work on finding more, so you can really get the idea.

And if you want a taste more, go to Jerry's WEBSITE to see their snippet.

Frozen in Time! - A Moment Captured at Tryst -

Sunday night, my sisters and I went to Tryst at The Wynn in Las Vegas.  Tryst is a really awesome club.  They have an enormous waterfall, and it's half inside and half outside.  It's actually probably one of the neatest places I've been to.

Well everyday, Tryst's website posts photos from the night before.  We went to the site to see if there were any pictures of us.  We didn't see any, but there were a ton of this one couple that we really got a kick out of.  These people look like mannequins.   I'm not sure if they are famous or not.  They're doing model poses, and they actually look like wax figures.  Here are some of the shots.  I hope you find these as hilarious as I do.  The waitresses with the sparklers are a magnificent touch.  If you recognize these people, PLEASE fill me in on who they are. I'm dying of curiosity!

So anyways, you should really go to Tryst if you are in Las Vegas.  And if you want to see more photos of these people, check out the gallery at Tryst's website.

Spotted: Hilton Armstrong in Vegas!

So I am in Las Vegas, and the other day, a really tall guy got in the elevator with my sisters and I.  Unable to keep from making comments, Amanda asked the guy what basketball team he played for (simply because he was tall).  He said, "New Orleans."  Then she asked his name.  "Hilton," he said.  That was it.  So we met him.  Maybe he is a fabulous player. Maybe not.  We don't know.  All we know is that he's not too chatty.

XOXO~ Cliff Pant-one

Bring Bravo to Raleigh

Please click here to sign my petition.  I am trying to get 1000 signatures to present to Time Warner Cable so that they will bring the Bravo network to Raleigh!  We want justice!

Frozen in Time!

Sometimes I wonder how many photographs I'm in that I don't even know about.   Like how many people have dispalyed pictures in their homes with me unknowingly in the background.  With my luck, I'm probably in the background of some picture picking my wedgie!  Actually, that sounds like something I might do on purpose... 

Anyways, this got me thinking!  I take A LOT of pictures, and I decided to go through and find some interesting background people.  It's pretty entertaining.  Here we go (you can click on the photo to make it bigger):

Exhibit A) Man peering over as waitress at Carraba's sings an Italian Happy Birthday song for me.

Exhibit B)  Crazed dancer strikes as my sister, afraid to turn around, wonders what is spazaming behind her.

Exhibit C) A sad man is caught in the background as my friend whoops it up at a bar.

Exhibit D) Two men look like they're about to go in for the kill as my friends and I pose for a group shot at a bar.

I don't know about you, but this is how I get my jollies- finding weird people in the back of photos!  I think I will continue this as a new segment of the blog.  I'm going to Vegas tomorrow, so hopefully some strange things will be going on in the back of my shots. 

Please feel free to email me with any weird (yet innocent) bystanders that you've caught in you own photos.  I will display them proudly.   You can black their eyes out and circle the heads yourself if you want, or I can do it.  Whichever you prefer! 

Maury Povich makes me laugh really hard!

I was at home for lunch, channel surfing while I stomached my Smart Ones Macaroni (not their best dish), and I was lucky enough to catch a HILARIOUS moment of Maury Povich.  Keep in mind that I was just flipping through the stations, so I'm not exactly sure if I got the names right (in fact, I just made a name up for the girl).  I think it may have actually been a wrap-up of the show that had just aired.  Here is what I saw:

Maury: ...All of a sudden, Tonya finds a shirt covered in mysterious stains!
Tonya:  I believe that they had sex in MY BATHROOM!
Audience: [Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!]
Maury: Cecil  claims the stains came from toaster strudel....
[flashes to Cecil backstage]
Cecil: It's nothing more than toaster strudel...
Maury: [voiceover as the credits role] Amy forgave Cecil for the sake of the children, but says she will never look at toaster strudel the same way again.

Breaking ROCK OF LOVE News!

Bret and Ambre have broken up, so Rock of Love will be returning for a third season.   

I guess it's too bad that it didn't work out for them, but I still think this is the best news ever!  If Bret never found love, that would be okay with me.  I'll be happy as long as Rock of Love continues to air.  Plus, I don't think Bret wants true love.  I think he just wants to get some snatch.  Sooo really, everybody wins in the end. 

Want Pokey Sticks?!

Gumby's Pizza on Hillsborough Street had to close, because they had a really really low sanitation grade.  They always had a pretty terrible score, but everybody still ate there.  The Pokey Sticks were just THAT good.  Plus, they delivered, so you didn't really have to SEE how gross it was.  It was kind of an 'out of sight out of mind' thing.  Oh- and they delivered pretty much all night, so they had that going for them.

Anyways, they finally got the boot when the score got down to 60.5!  YEAH!  That is pretty sick!

But now, they are coming back!  They will be in a new location where the Papa Johns used to be.  Hopefully, they will keep up work on their cleanliness so that they can supply the NCSU campus with deliciously greasy Pokey Sticks and pizza that tastes great when you are drunk (but not so much the next morning).  I know Meg would be excited if she still lived in Raleigh. 

Eric Klarenbeek's Eye Jewelry

Dutch designer Eric Klarenbeek has come out with a line of 'Eye Jewelry.'  His line consists of charms that dangle from contact lenses.  In my opinion, having something hanging from my eye would be more than a little distracting.  Plus, what if your friend (unaware or your new eye jewels) came to talk to you, thought you had something hanging from your eye, and grabbed on it to pull it out?  Or what if it got snagged on something?  Or what if it gave you weird tan lines on your face? 

I think it's a cool idea, but not too practical.  I'm glad I have perfect vision.  Visit Klarenbeek's website.

Spotted: Jolly Sign Man on Glenwood

Lately, there have been people standing on the roadside all around Crabtree Mall.  They are wearing signs which advertise some mattress sale (I believe the store is called something like Dorma).    

I have pictured a photo of the type of sign they are wearing.  Although, these are NOT the actual people who I'm talking about.  I just wanted  you to be able to picture the scene as accurately as possible.  But I AM working on getting a picture of the exact man I'm going to be talking about.  It just seems that cars are always whizzing by in my way whenever I try to get a shot.

So anyway, the people wearing these signs usually look like they want to kill themselves.  It's pretty depressing.  They do NOT make me want to go to the sale.  The actually make me want to avoid  the sale at ALL costs!

BUT, there is one man (who has been on the corner of Glenwood and Lead Mine for the past few weekends) who is completely hilarious.  He wears a foam finger and points it all over the place while he dances.  He's always smiling and laughing.  It looks like he's having the best time.  I wave, and he points the finger at me.  I get such a kick out of it.  He makes me really happy!  His smile and upbeat attitude are infectious.  The way he shuffles down the sidewalk doing disco points is reminiscent of the Paris and Nicole Sanasa dance that I (and countless others) am so fond of. 

I think it's great that this man can turn a seemingly awful job (standing on the roadside in blazing heat with a giant mattress sign) into something fun.  He's making the best out of his situation AND giving the drivers some entertainment.  He's putting smiles on faces!  I think it's very admirable.  Perhaps we could all learn something from the sign guy.  Check him out next weekend if your by the mall (and check back for updates...I'm trying to get a picture).

Daily Dagger #14: Because uncomfortable moments can be like daggers to the heart!

Submitted by Becky

I spent last week at the beach with my entire family: Mom, Dad, brothers and their children. My sister-in-law and I were downstairs watching The Bachelorette with my 13 year old niece.

A lovely commercial for KY Jelly comes on during the break. As it nears the end of the commercial, my niece announces, "I saw some of that in Papa's bathroom!"

Of course, my sister-in-law and I bust out laughing as my niece looks at us very confused.

Did you have an awkward moment?  Email me, and it could be tomorrows Daily Dagger!

Next: 2nd installment

They say there you only get one chance to make a first impression.  Here's how the daters on Next approached their big opportunity to introduce themselves to the world.

"I'm Loraine.  I'm 19, and I love goin' to raves- so this boy BETTER have a KILLER GLOWSTICK!"

"I'm Ronnell.  I'm 19.  I'll win, because I wanna be a fireman- and I've got the HOSE TO PROVE IT!"

"I'm Chris.  I'm 22, and I'll win cuz I got a motorcycle...and God gave me my own built-in kickstand!"

"I'm Texas.  I'm 22.  I used to be a dental assistant, so I MAY have to check out this girl's cavity!"

"I'm Ryan.  I'm 19, and I think we ALL know how I sprained THIS! [freakishly smiles and points to cast on wrist]"

"I'm August.  I'm into horror movies, so you know I love a good HALLOWEENIE!!!"

"I'm Casy.  I'm 19, and I'm a redhead who's so hot his crotch is BURNIN!!!"

"I'm Kuka.  I'm 18.  I'm from Idaho, so I hope this girl can handle my potato sack!!!"

So there.  I don't think I need to say anything else...the daters pretty much said it all.

Cliff's Favorite Things (just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): McDonald's Vanilla Cone

I can't get enough of the McDonald's Vanilla Cone!  I would choose this ice cream over Ben & Jerry's, Baskin Robbins, Cold Stone, or any other specialty ice cream place (welllll, maybe not Goodberry's, but that's custard...). 

The vanilla soft-serve comes in a delightful cone.  When filled with the creamy desert, the cone becomes saturated and softens until it reaches the perfect smunchy (not a real word) consistency- soft but still keeps a crunch.

The best part of this ice cream is that it only has like 150 calories per cone.  And on top of that, it's only $1.08 with tax! 

So drive to the nearest McDonald's drive-through, roll down your window, and shout, "One vanilla cone please!"  It's quite fun to say.  You'll be surprised.  And hey, buy one for your roommate while you're there.  Karma will reward you!

Best moment of best show EVER: The Simple Life (sanasaa song)

The Simple Life is pretty much the best show ever (well, at least up until season 4).  I know a lot of people think the show is totally wack, but they just haven't given it a chance.  Trust me!  I have converted many nonbelievers...even boys! 

I miss the show terribly, but I thank God for the DVDs. Today, I was reminiscing about ole Paris and Nicole and decided to see if I could you-tube some of my favorite moments.  I'm feeling compelled to share.

PLEASE watch. 

The woman in the clip is such an old bitty.  She was obviously only complaining because she felt left out of the singing.  I mean, she didn't have such a problem with the song when SHE got to be part of the Sonasaas.  Maybe she has a low self-esteem and just has to be rude whenever she's feeling left out or insecure.  Come on, Milly!  Don't rain on their parade because you want in! 

NEXT!

MTV's show Next may be the dumbest show on the television.  If you've never seen it, it is a dating show.  There are five guys or girls who sit on a bus.  They take turns leaving the bus, going to hang out with a certain person who they are hoping to date (I'll call that person "The Main Dater").  So, The Main Dater gets to hang out with the people one at a time.  If he thinks they are lame, he/she will shout "NEXT!"  So, whoever doesn't get 'nexted' gets to decide if they would like to go out on a 2nd date with The Main Dater or receive money (the dollar amount they win is equal to the number of minutes their date lasted).

Soooo, at the start of each show, the daters introduce themselves with catchy little phrases.  This is, hands down, the best part of the show.  They say the most awful things.  I caught part of an episode today, and I wanted to share some of the introductions. 

Here are some choice words from The Main Dater:
"Hi!  I'm Evan, and I'm looking for a girl who can start a campfire AND a PANTS-FIRE!"
"Girls under 100 pounds are way to fragile, so EAT UP or say NEXXXXTTT!"

And here are how some of his suitors introduced themselves:
"I'm Amanda, and I'm 20!  I'll win because I'm rarer than a giant panda!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!! [makes clawing motion with hands]"
"I'm Jenny and I collect boyfriends.  So today this boys gonna make it an even dozen!  BOOOOYAAAA!!!! [thrusts hips and points to crotch]"
"I'm Tracy!  I'm gonna win because my hairs got as much body as my bodys got body!"

And just for fun, here is what Evan said when he found out that the girl he chose picked the $61 over a second date with him:                                         "Jenny had such an innocent face.  Who knew she was a money grubbing devil with sweaty pits?!"

So yeah.  I hope the people are acting.  They have to be.  Nobody talks like that!  I don't even know what those things mean!  Then again, I don't think you could even WRITE that stuff.  Maybe they are serious.  I'm baffled. 

I might have to DVR all the episodes of Next and make this a regular section.  It's just too good not to take note of the things these people say.

Recycling in Fayetteville (and why I'm jealous)

Over the weekend, I went to a cookout at my friend Lucy’s house in Fayetteville, NC. Seeing as it was a party, I decided to knock back a few cold ones.  And naturally, when I finished my drink, I asked where I should recycle my bottle.

Lucy’s husband, Jeremy, directed me to the garage.

I went through the door, expecting to find one of those dinky green bins that everybody in Raleigh gets (which I am still grateful for, because not all cities provide (even) these). But I saw no green bin. What I did see was the most amazing recycling receptacle that I'd ever laid eyes on.

There, beside the door, was a blue container that stood about 4 feet tall. And, get this, it was fully equipped with WHEELS! YES, WHEELS! So, if you are missing the obvious reasons why this vessel is so fabulous, I will explain.

Number 1: It is blue, my signature color.
Number 2: It is HUGE, so you can put way more stuff in it. You could probably fit a couple of two-year olds in there (NOT THAT YOU EVER SHOULD TRY THAT).
Number 3: It has WHEELS!!! Meaning, you don’t have to carry the insanely heavy bin out to the street. Plus, my bin is usually (OK…always) covered in dirt. So for me, the only way to carry the weight of the bin all the way to the curb is by resting it against my stomach. And by doing THAT, my shirt gets covered in dirt and mud!

Here is a photo of the recycling containers in all their glory:

So there you have it! I’ll be moving to Fayetteville any day now.

VH1's "I Love Money" (Spoiler Alert)

So, tonight was the first episode of "I Love Money."  This is a show (similar to MTV's Gauntlet and Inferno challenges) comprised of Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, and I Love New York alumni.  The idea is GENIUS!  You can NOT find a more entertaining bunch of people!

I can already tell that I'm going to be mind-numbingly addicted to this show.  I watch one episode and immediately wish that I had waited for the season end before ever getting into the show.  That way, I could just watch a marathon (which they will have) and view all the episodes back to back, never having to suffer through the long weeks in between installments!

Soooo, Midget Mac was the first to be voted off.  Frankly, I couldn't be happier.  He is totally annoying.  The only thing interesting thing about him is that he is a midget.  Otherwise, he just stands around with his mouth open...and it is ALWAYS hanging open.  Maybe he has some sort of problem where he can't breath through his nose.  I don't know. 

Anyways, I love Whiteboy-  one of those thugged out types who want to stand up for the ladies.  I love when these people get started on not disrespecting women.  It's strangely charming.  What a Casanova?!

I also like Mr. Boston, because he is so insane.  However, I also see him getting annoying really fast.

I've always liked Brandi C., the young soul.  Meghan is beautiful, but totally bitchy and conniving.  Rodeo is CLASSIC!  She is reality GOLD...although, I'm not sure about the "twenty-three year old ass." Destiny looks a lot better than she did on Rock of Love.  And Nibblz is driving me up the wall already with that TERRIBLE LISP!

So yes, I'm counting down the days until next Sunday.  I can't wait to see what happens next!

Spotted: Lil Matt's Crib!

On the way to Goldsboro, on Highway 70, there is a little trailer on the side of the road.  A blank billboard just so happens to be next to the trailer.  Well, look at what is spraypainted onto the billboard (click on the picture to make it bigger):

Well, it says "Lil Matt's Crib."  I think it's hilarious.  I wish I had a billboard next to my house!  I'd do the same thing! 

Anyways, this was the best photo I could get from the opposite side of the highway with cars whizzing by.  I almost had a PERFECT shot displaying the trailer and the sign, but some dumb car ruined it.  Oh well, you get the idea.

XOXO~ Cliff Pant-one

SYTYCD:Katee & Joshua "Hometown Glory"

I realize that I'm obsessed with So You Think You Can Dance.  Let's not try to hide it.  Let's embrace it.  I'm not going to say a lot about it, but just watch Katee & Joshua dance to "Hometown Glory."  It's pretty amazing.

Spotted: Odd happening on elevator.

“HEL-LO, HEL-LO, HEL-LO!” a booming voice sung out.  The greeting bellowed as its owner shoved herself into the half-closed metal doors.

“Hi,” I said, being the only other occupant of the elevator.

“Oh, Lawd,” She sighed, letting her heavy body fall against the wall as she flipped open her cell phone.  Sweat dripped down her chocolate skin in lines. “Ohhh me, this wall is nice an’ cold.”  Her large chest heaved as her breath caught up with her.  All the while, her bulky fingers squashed into the plastic buttons. “Ahhh,” she muttered, looking up at me.  “Don’t let me forget- photoshoot tomorrow!”

I nodded and smiled.

“ALRGHT!” she barked.  Then suddenly, she snapped her phone shut, shoving it deep into the low-cut neckline of her sleeveless knit top, the device disappearing into mounds of flesh. 

Noticing that she wasn’t carrying a pocketbook, I wondered what other essentials were hidden in her bosom.  Lipstick? Wallet? Check book?

A second later, the doors pulled apart.  She lifted herself off the wall, her sticky skin peeling away from the cool metal. She steadied herself, and trudged away.

XOXO~ Cliff Pant-one

Locked Up Abroad

If you haven't seen the show, Locked Up Abroad, you should definitely check it out!  Every week, the show features a story about somebody who was "locked up" while traveling abroad (hence the name of the show), which just happens to be my biggest nightmare!  When I'm in a foreign country, I'm always afraid that I'm accidently going to do something that just so happens to be highly illegal in whichever specific country I'm visiting.  Say, if I were to take a photo near a government instillation in Egypt, not knowing that it could land me jail time.  Then I'm headed to the Egyptian slammer! Remember that movie Brokedown Palace with Claire Danes?  That happening to me, is like my biggest fear!  I do NOT want to be in a foreign prison.   You can bet your tush, that I will be following laws in foreign countries (and in America too).

Anyways, back to the show...On their website National Geographic Channel describes the show as, "true stories of people who have ended up miles from home, in a foreign land in a situation beyond their worst nightmares. From travelers who fell foul of the law and found themselves behind bars, to an adventurer who strayed too far off the beaten track and found himself hostage, Locked Up Abroad tells their stories."

During the hour long show, actors (who always look strikingly similar to the people they are portraying) reenact the story as the individual who actually experienced the incident narrates.  It is REALLY suspenseful and interesting.  Last night, some guy got caught smuggling hashish through the mail from The Philippines to Seoul, South Korea.  And the week before, some dude had swallowed like 67 condoms of cocaine so he could fly on an airplane.  The condoms almost burst inside him, so getting caught pretty much saved his life.

Here is a clip (not from either episode described above):

Locked Up Abroad comes on the National Geographic Channel on Mondays at 9.  Next week some safari tourists get kidnapped by The National Liberation Army in Uganda!  SCARYYYY! 

Daily Dagger #13: Because uncomfortable moments can be like daggers to the heart!

I was walking dow the hallway in an office building, minding my own business, when I passed by a man that I do not know.

Me: [Walking Silently]
Man: [walking by] HEY! Are ya lost?!
Me: Excuse me?
Man: I just don't expect to see people in the hallway.
Me: Oh...

Did you have an awkward moment?  Email it to me, and it could be tomorrow's Daily Dagger!