Cliff Pant-one

The Hills Parody SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS!

I know I'm on a Hills kick, but whatever.  Go ahead and judge me.  These youtube videos are HYSTERICAL!  Watch them for a good laugh!

Curmudgeon is The Word of The Day (because this should be semi-educational)

Jen taught me this word.  She is really great at using it!

The word is curmudgeon.  Pronounced ker-muhj-uhn, this word means "a bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous person."

Example from Jen:  "Lo on The Hills is kind of a curmudgeon." (I agree)

Lauren Conrad's Words of Wisdom: Episode- We'll Never Be Friends

LC is so wise. She gives such great advice,has really amazing insights and can convey any emotion with just a look; anybody would be fortunate to have her as a friend. BUT- most of us don’t live in The Hills, and we aren’t lucky enough to be guided by her clever Lauren-isms firsthand.  So, I’m bringing some of Lauren’s most astute moments to the inter-web. Even if you’re not interested in the show, you can learn a lot from LC. Read on and let Lauren's words counsel you:

This scene takes place at a restaurant.  LC is on a date with Doug, a long lost friend from high school.

Waiter: Can I get you something to drink?
LC: Can I get a Fuzzy Dragon please?
Waiter: A Fuzzy Dragon.
Doug: What kind of beer do you have?
Waiter: [inaudible]
Doug: I’ll have that. I’ll have Stella.
LC: [smiles coyly to waiter] Thank you. [To Doug] I think your drink says a lot about you.
Doug: So what does a beer say about me?
LC: That you’re a guys’ guy.
Doug: Is that a good thing?
LC: [leans head on hand, smiles wistfully and shrugs shoulders] Mhmm.

WOW!  BRILLIANT!  I wonder what a Fuzzy Dragon says about Lauren!?!?

Curmudgeon is The Word of The Day (because this should be semi-educational)

Jen taught me this word.  She is really great at using it!

The word is curmudgeon.  Pronounced ker-muhj-uhn, this word means "a bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous person."

Example from Jen:  "Lo on The Hills is kind of a curmudgeon." (I agree)

Lauren Conrad's Words of Wisdom: Episode- We'll Never Be Friends

LC is so wise. She gives such great advice,has really amazing insights and can convey any emotion with just a look; anybody would be fortunate to have her as a friend. BUT- most of us don’t live in The Hills, and we aren’t lucky enough to be guided by her clever Lauren-isms firsthand.  So, I’m bringing some of Lauren’s most astute moments to the inter-web. Even if you’re not interested in the show, you can learn a lot from LC. Read on and let Lauren's words counsel you:

This scene takes place at a restaurant.  LC is on a date with Doug, a long lost friend from high school.

Waiter: Can I get you something to drink?
LC: Can I get a Fuzzy Dragon please?
Waiter: A Fuzzy Dragon.
Doug: What kind of beer do you have?
Waiter: [inaudible]
Doug: I’ll have that. I’ll have Stella.
LC: [smiles coyly to waiter] Thank you. [To Doug] I think your drink says a lot about you.
Doug: So what does a beer say about me?
LC: That you’re a guys’ guy.
Doug: Is that a good thing?
LC: [leans head on hand, smiles wistfully and shrugs shoulders] Mhmm.

WOW!  BRILLIANT!  I wonder what a Fuzzy Dragon says about Lauren!?!?

Madonna: Sticky & Sweet Tour

Madonna's new Sticky and Sweet tour has just kicked off, and photos of her outfits have been hitting the internet.  Now, Madonna is 50 years old.  Some of the outfits are a tad age-inappropriate.  I know that she looks GREAT.  She works out ALL the time, and she wants to show off her body...but she is still 50. 

The sexy clothes don't really bother me, but there was this one outfit that really had me shaking my head (and it is actually not really revealing at all).   

The problem I have with this outfit (pictured to the right) is that it looks like something a sixth grader would wear (minus the fishnet stockings).  I actually really like the concept, but really- heart sunglasses and a Rainbow Bright belt on a 50 year old woman?!  She wore this during "Get into the Groove," so I'm sure she was just trying to be retro or whatever. I don't know.  Maybe this look would have worked better on Miley Cirus- or pretty much anybody under 30 (and even then, over 25 is pushing it).  It just looks ridiculous to me.

But YES, Madonna does look great for a 50 year old.  I'm not trying to hate on her or anything.  She's in amazing shape.  Here is another shot for the tour where her outfit is a bit more sexy, but I still find it more fitting for a woman of her age than the Roller Girl ensemble.  Just click on it to make it bigger.

And then I thought I would include a photo of her album cover, because I DO find that creepy.  I don't think I'd ever want to see a photo of somebody old enough to be my mother in that position.  Does she really need to be sitting spread eagle and gumming her gloves?  Come on now!

Four Paws "Pimple Ball with Bell" is A VERY Dangerous Dog Toy!

  I received an email at work today about a dog toy that had caused serious injury to Chai, a yellow lab mix.  The toy is called "Pimple Ball with Bell," and it is made by Four Paws Inc. 

The ball got stuck on Chai's tongue.  After having the ball surgically removed, Chai's tongue was left so swollen that he could not put it back in his mouth.  Eventually, the doctors decided that the tongue was left in such damaged condition by the ball, that it had to be completely amputated. 

This is a really sad story.  The poor dog was just trying to have fun and play, and this terrible thing happened!

Everything is told in great detail on Chai's owner's blog .  Please go to that site to read about Chai, and join the owner in boycotting the Four Paws Inc. product line until they take the "Pimple Ball with Bell" off the shelves!  Forward that blog on, so that everybody with a dog will know to stay away from this toy!!! 

http://www.thechaistory.blogspot.com/ 

Spotted: North Raleigh Guinea Hen

Every now and then, I have to go to this one office near the intersection of Creedmoor and Strickland.  I won't say which office, because I don't want you all bombarding the place, fighting one another to catch a glimpse of what I'm about to discuss. 

Anyways, this office is totally normal.  There is an entrance with a grassy area in front, like most places.  But the first time I went there, I noticed a strange bird meandering around the lawn.  It was large and looked like a turkey without so many feathers.  It looked smooth- almost wax like- and very round.  Not being the biggest fan of birds, I quickened my pace and hurried inside. 

I warned the receptionist that there was a strange bird outside, but she remained calm.  "Oh, that's just a guinea hen," she told me.  "It's always out there."

"Like a pet?"  I inquired.

"Not really, but I mean...maybe."

I left the building, scratching my head.  That thing is sick, I thought.  I sat in my car trying to get a decent shot of the bird on my phone, but all my pictures sucked. 

Thankfully, I went back today.  This time, I was able to get a clearer photo.  Here it is:

It still isn't the best photo, because I was too afraid (and embarrassed that the receptionist would see me) to get any closer or look any more obvious.  So here is a picture of one that I found online:

This is exactly what it looked like!  Ugh, that is so freighting.  I really do not like the feathered species.  I'm sorry.  I love animals, but my mother scarred me for life by instilling the idea in my mind that birds are disease-ridden creatures that will give you germs and ultimately kill you.  I know better now, but I still don't like birds.  It's part of the reason I stopped eating them.  UGH, SICK! 

Apparently, these are featherless birds that are native to Africa!  Hmm.  Suspicious!  I guess they are the Chinese Crested of fowl! 

Okay, so anyways...I just find it incredibly odd that these birds are roaming around North Raleigh.  I mean, it's a far cry from Africa.  It is interesting though.  I guess it's just another new experience to treasure.   

Misty Water Colored Memories: Sprinkle Spangles

I've never been a huge cereal fan, but lately I have been obsessed with Special K.  They have like six different flavors, and it seems like I want Special K for every meal.  I highly recommend the Red Berries and Vanilla Almond flavors.  After my current box is finished, I'm going to buy either Chocolatey Delight or Fruit and Yogurt.  I'm still debating which.

Either way, all this thinking about Special K got me to reminiscing about my childhood cereal choices.  I always enjoyed Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Trix and Fruit Loops.  However, there was ONE cereal that was my FAVORITE, and then all of a sudden, it disappeared.  I would go shopping for a box, but I could find it nowhere!  To make a long story short, I gave up trying to locate it a long time ago.  I just assumed that they just stopped making it. 

Anyways, the cereal that I LOVED so dearly was Sprinkle Spangles!  I LOVE SPRINKLES, so of course I would naturally be drawn to a breakfast cereal covered in the tiny pearls of delight.  It was so good.  I find myself thinking of this from time to time and I just don't understand why they took it off the shelves!  WHY did General Mills stop making this?!  I'm tempted to create another online petition to try and bring it back (although, it might not be worth the effort, seeing as my petition to bring Bravo to Raleigh was not really received with as much enthusiasm and recognition as I'd hoped for...)

I just wanted to bring up Sprinkle Spangles to see if anybody else remembers it or enjoyed it as much as I did.  Maybe I can buy a vintage box somewhere.

Oh, and here is what I dug up on the subject.  According to Wikipedia, "Sprinkle Spangles was a short-lived breakfast cereal by General Mills. It was introduced in the early 90s, alongside Hidden Treasures. The cereal was of star-shaped pieces covered with multi-colored sprinkles. The commercials claimed that they "Spangled every angle with sprinkles." Sprinkle Spangles were no longer available in 1995."

The mascot for the cereal was genie.  Maybe that's why it failed.  Who likes genies?  I'm willing to bet that Sprinkle Spangles would have REALLY blown up if the mascot were a unicorn who whimsically shot sprinkles from her horn.  But I don't know, I'm kinda partial to Unicorns, so maybe I'm biased...

UPDATE: Looks like somebody beat me to the punch with the petition.  Click here to sign it.

And here is a commercial:

American Teen: How M-worthy is it?!

I went to see American Teen tonight.  Directed by Nanette Burnstein, American Teen is a documentary that follows the lives of a handful of high school seniors in Warsaw, Indiana. 

I loved it.  I thought it was a pretty accurate portrayal of high school life.  There were a lot of funny moments and then there were some where I wanted to scream, "SNAP OUT OF IT, KID!"  Thankfully, I restrained myself.

Either way, I think this film will be a big success.  American Teen definitely had that MTV reality vibe, but in a way that was way toned down. The kids in the movie aren't fake looking Barbie dolls or hired actors (like on The Hills).  The setting is less than glamorous.  There isn't blaring Indy rock thumping in the background of every scene.  It feels real, and I think that's because it is.

It's also very witty.  There are some scenes that are done in animation.  It usually bugs me when digital stuff is just thrown into a regular movie, but in American Teen's case, it worked for me.  There was one especially funny scene where everybody at Notre Dame joined hands and swayed in unison to show that the campus there is full of people who "care" and pretty much like an alternate universe.   The kids make hilarious comments without even trying.  Aren't high schoolers great?  Maybe I should go back and be a teacher?

So this movie earns a whopping MMMMM (5 out of 5 Ms)!!!! I've always enjoyed documentaries, even before realty TV came out (and it's NO big secret that I love reality TV). And on top of loving documentaries, I love teen angst.  Who doesn't?!  I don't want to spoil anything, but I really recommend this movie.  Please go see it.  Here is the trailer:

Life's Little Riddles: Queen Helene's Cocoa Butter Lotion

I have some "Queen Helene Cocoa Butter Hand and Body Lotion."  According to the bottle it "soothes and softens  hands, face and body."  I agree.  It works pretty well.  It also smells nice. Oh, and it also costs like $2 or something for a giant bottle.

(PS- Reading the posts, I've noticed a theme of me buying things simply because they are cheap...whatever!  Who doesn't love a good bargain?!)

Anyways, my question regarding this lotion does not lie within the contents of the bottle.  It actually focuses ON the bottle.

Why does the bottle have grenades on it?! The two grenades rest gently on a bed of leaves.  So serene. 

OK, I know that they are not actually grenades, but they might as well be.  The lumps of whatever are DEAD RINGERS for grenades.  I mean, I'm sure they are supposed to be some sort of coconut or coconut seed or cocoa plant or something.  I don't know, but it sure doesn't look like any coconut I've ever seen.  I'm just confused. 

If this is a dumb question, don't judge me.  I've not spent a great deal of time researching things that have to do with cocoa butter.  Maybe cocoa butter isn't like coconuts.  I don't know!  All I know is that I like Queen Helene's lotion and the big tacky picture on the bottle.  I just don't know what the picture is. 

Cliff's Favorite Things (Just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Latex Ornament Cap

Well, it finally came- my "ClubSwim Latex Ornament Cap."  Although, I do prefer to refer to it as my vintage inspired swim cap.  I'm so excited!

As you can see, it looks amazing!  It fits great too!  It doesn't squeeze my head at all.  To be truthful, it is probably verging on too loose to actually keep my hair dry, which is surprising because my head is really large...it really is.  But I'd rather have it loose.  I mean, I'm not really worried about my hair getting wet.  It's just going to get all sweaty up underneath there anyways. Obviously, I didn't buy this as a hair protector, but in hopes of making myself more aerodynamic.

This beautiful cap was only like $5 at swimoutlet.com .  It was on sale.  Can you imagine?!  I'd think these would be flying out of stock like flapjacks.   Forget having them around long enough to make it to the sale section.  Either way, I'm reaping the benefits! 

WOO HOO!  I can't wait to rock this on the beach on Labor Day! I'm sure my friends are thrilled!

Frozen in Time: Vintage Bystanders!

More innocent bystanders.  Click on the photos to make them larger. 

Exhibit A)  Woman looks like she is about to "throw in the towel" at the annual Dos Toquitos birthday party.  I know how she felt- they had balloons covering the ENTIRE ceiling.
Exhibit B) Man in light wash jeans and muscle tank looks proud as he lands his double axle.  Thankfully, this happened just as Jen and I posed for a picture at Jellybeans skating rink.  (Note: color has been edited to better illustrate skating man.)

Cliff's Favorite Things (Just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Foliage Plants

I got this amazing "foliage plant" at Harris Teeter.  It was only $3.99.  Can you believe it?!  That is a sale price.  I'm sure it was reduced because this plant is kind of dying, but I have faith that I can revive it. 

This particular specimen is a Spindler Palm.  It enjoys warm temperatures and doesn't need much water or sunlight (maybe I don't need it right by the window...). 

I had been wanting some greenery in my apartment for a while.  I was thinking of getting a fake rubber tree plant, but they are so expensive.  I mean, they can go up to hundreds of dollars.  This near-dying Spindler Palm was much more affordable.  AND I think it will be more rewarding in the long run- after I save it's life. 

So, go out to Harris Teeter and pick up a foliage plant on sale. 

Pineapple Express

Pineapple Express, starring Seth Rogen (of Knocked Up and Superbad) and James Franco, is a heartfelt story of friendship.  Rogen plays Dale, a weed loving process server (process server being a fancy way to say LEGAL COURIER- like me).  Franco is the lovable, laid back drug dealer, Saul.   Dave and Saul get mixed up in some drug dealing drama, and chaos ensues. 

This movie is HILARIOUS.  Gosh, I laughed so hard.  Seth Rogen is one of the funniest people on the planet.  James Franco was just as hysterical.  I've never really seen any of his movies, but he is a riot (and really hot).  With a lot of comedies, the trailer can give away most of the funny parts.  That was not the case with this movie.  It was a laugh a minute!

Besides being extremely witty and comical, the movie was intense, suspenseful and exciting.  There were a lot of action scenes.  I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. 

My ONLY complaint about the  movie, was that it was very violent.  I mean, it wasn't really in a bad way, but I just not insane about guns and killing and stuff.

This movie pretty much has it all.  It's a funny, druggie, action, touching movie. It kind of reminded me of a funnier/lighter version of Pulp Fiction.  It is fabulous.  MMMMM (5 out of 5 Ms)!  Go see it ASAP!  Here is the trailer:  

Joshua Wins on SYTYCD! (and I think I'm in love...)

So Joshua won!  I'm so happy.  Even though I loved Mark, I think Josh was my favorite male dancer.  And it turns out that I've developed a huge crush on him.  Too bad he is only 19.  I'm getting so old!  Althoughhh, Linda Hogan is like 49 and SHE'S going out with a 19 year old...  But maybe she's not the best person to aspire to? 

BUT, if I cannot have Joshua for myself, I think he and Katee should get together.  They are so cute with one another...especially when he gave her a little kiss during the Bollywood routine!  I love them!  Plus, she is more of his age, and she already knows him- so it just makes more sense that they date.

WHY can't they come to Raleigh on tour?  I am seriously considering going to Charlotte. 

Anyways, I'm VERY glad that Joshua won.  He was amazing!  I really enjoyed the dance he and Katee did last night to "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room."  It was choreographed by Wade Robson.  Josh is so strong!  So hot!  Ahh.  I'm ridiculous.  Either way, I am posting it as a tribute to his win:

Spotted: Car chase downtown!

Yesterday, I was coming back from The Register of Deeds (I TOLD you I go there a lot)at around 3:50 p.m.  I was driving north on McDowell Street, minding my own business, when all of a sudden a cop car came FLYING from behind at like 80 miles per hour. 

I scooted out of the way as it jetted by me.  Geeezzz, I thought.  I started driving again, and almost immediately I heard another one coming.  I pulled to the side.  It passed.  Must be an accident...

I drove on, and I came to the light at E. Lane Street.  It was green, but I noticed ANOTHER cop coming.  So along with all the other cars, I stopped at the light and let him pass.  Then we were all about to go, and a SWARM of police vehicles started darting by.  There were cruisers, SUVS, sheriffs, and vans!  I decided to start counting.  I got up to 12, and that wasn't including the 2 I'd seen on McDowell or the bunch that came through the intersection before I'd started the tally.

Finally, they went away.  I crossed the intersection,moving onto the Downtown Freeway.  I SAW MORE COPS!  GOOOOD LORRRRD, I thought! 

At this point I was getting concerned.  I thought there must have been a terrorist attack or something.  I focused on the road, and hurried north.  I called my sister, and I asked her to look on the Internet to see if something happened.  She couldn't find anything, but I just assumed that it was too soon to have been reported. 

Then this morning, I looked at WRAL.com.  I found out what happened!  I had been in the midst of a car chase! 

Apparently, a man had taken a cab to Dorothea Dix Hospital.  When they reached the destination, the man held a gun and knife to the drivers neck, took his money and drove off in his cab.  Obviously the driver called 911.  This resulted in said car chase.

It turns out that the chase went on for a while, but ended just past where I'd been driving.  The cab crashed into a van on Dawson Street (just ONE over from McDowell)!  Then the thief got out and started coming toward the officers with a razor blade, waving it in the air like in West Side Story (this is what came to my mind when reading the description in the article). 

THEN after ignoring commands to drop the weapon, the car-jacker was shot by an officer.  Now he is in the hospital.

BOY AM I GLAD THAT I GOT OUT OF THERE WHEN I DID!  Anybody who knows me knows that I do NOT like loud guns!  I don't even like balloons.  Let's be honest, loud popping sounds are my biggest fear.  I need not remind you of the balloon in the limo incident on my grandmother's 80th birthday. 

Anyways, I feel very grateful to have dodged this altercation!

XOXO~ Cliff Pant-one

Spotted: Untamed Flatulance at Barnes & Noble

I am going to try and explain this situation as accurately as possible:

I went to Barnes & Noble tonight. I’d just consumed a lot of Crystal Light, and it had begun to catch up with me. So I went to the restroom.

In this bathroom, there were two regular stalls and one handicap stall on the end. I was the only one in there, so I went into the first stall and began to relieve myself (excuse me if that is TMI).

All of a sudden, somebody pushed through the door and hurried into the handicap stall. I heard their bags drop, and then a long, loud fart released itself. And then, before the poot even made it all the way out, the patron began peeing like mad.

I thought it was a little funny, but nothing too insane. Obviously they just had to go. I mean, there’s no shame in tooting. The lady probably didn’t care. It’s not like she’d ever see me again.

So then I finished up, and exited my stall. This is when I noticed something. The doors to both stalls were wide open. Against the wall in the opening of the handicap stall were two shopping bags. Before I could even wrap my mind around the fact that this gassy woman was using the bathroom with the door open, she appeared in the door frame. She was about 60 years old, wearing some sort of a cotton jumper. She reached down, casually retrieved her bags and exited the restroom without washing her hands. I hope she had some Purell.

I just found it strange. I’ve never seen somebody knowingly use a public bathroom with the door open…especially when they were farting. I mean, what if she accidentally ended up having to go #2? The door would've been open, and in the handicap stall you can’t reach out to shut it once you’ve started going. I’m just sayin’…

Good for her for not being embarrassed about a natural bodily function! Perhaps the world would be a better place if everybody were as carefree?

The Garland H. Jones Building

This is The Garland H. Jones building.  It's on the corner of Martin and Salisbury St. downtown.  I have to go to this building every now and then, (The Register of Deeds is in there) but I walk pass it almost every day.   I always admire this building.  I know that a lot of people think it's totally fug, but I love it.  Here are the reasons why:

1.)  It looks like something Mr. Brady would have designed- he was an architect after all.  It's like the 70s exploded on the corner.  I have a real love for the buildings of the 70s.  In fact, one day I hope to live in a ranch style home with lots of wood paneling!  Dare to dream!

2.) There is a lot of blue, and I love blue.

3.) It tells you the time and temperature.

4.) A really nice security guard sits in the lobby, and he always makes me feel welcome!  One day on my way to The Register of Deeds, a cracked out guy started hollering at me.  He said something like, "Hey!  Hey!  PRETTY LADY!" I smiled and then continued on my way (I'm always flattered by a compliment, no matter who it's from).  So I figured he would just leave me alone, but he started hobbling after me for about a block and a half.  "HEY!  WAIT!"  He kept on shouting the whole time.  I was reaching for the door of The Garland H. Jones Building, and the weirdo was about to follow me in.  But I saw my favorite security guard sitting inside.  We made eye contact, and I felt sure that he would not let this crackhead inside after me (a silent understanding if you will).  And he didn't!  And when I came out, the dope fiend was nowhere in sight.  I'm sure the security guard wouldn't remember this (or even remember me for that matter).  Either way, it concludes my point.  You can feel safe here.

I'm sure there are more amazing things about this structure, but I can't think of them now.  Anyways, I think they are going to deconstruct this building.  UGH.  What a shame!  Raleigh is tearing down everything with character.  Don't even get me started on the neighborhood houses!  Whatever.  I am going to enjoy the ole GHJ Building as long as I can.

Daily Dagger #16: Because uncomfortable moments can be like daggers to the heart!

I found this more humorous than awkward, but I thought it could count anyways.  I was at the gas station buying a bottle of water with my debit card.  The woman at the register, Katrina, was a petite white woman with a strong voice.  Her hair was done up and she wore gold necklaces.  She'd been showcasing her loud, raspy voice by hollering "TOMMMYYY" before it was my turn to pay.  So anyways, she was very matter-of-fact, talkative and generally just seemed like a real firecracker of a woman.  This might not be funny unless you could see the way she actually said it, but hopefully the intro gave you some sort of idea of how it may have played out.

Me: [slides debit card] Did that go through?
Katrina: NO!  It said ACCESS DENIED- give up card so Katrina can go shopping!
Me: [looks up confused, then get it and laughs really hard]

Did you have an awkward moment?  Email me, and it could be tomorrow's Daily Dagger!

Farewell, Chelsie Hightower & Mark Kanemura (SYTYCD)

Tonight on So You Think You Can Dance, my two favorite dancers got the ax.  America sent home Chelsie and Mark.  I loved Mark, but I can kind of see why he was eliminated.  He was just so fun and quirky! I couldn't help but love him. 

However, I am completely BAFFLED as to why Chelsie is leaving.  She was the best.  She should have won the entire show.  She was cute, fun, sexy, and a great dancer.  And let's not forget that she was REALLY good at getting into character and showing emotion through dance.  And with that hot red dress she had on last night, how could she loose?  I suspect foul play.

I'm in shock, and so is Jen.  We were dumbstruck as Cat announced the results.  We thought Courtney was going to be sent packing tonight for sure, but we certainly were wrong.  America's voting sucks.  I wish they would let the judges keep voting.  Although, if they did that, Will would probably still be around ... But either way, Chelsie should not be going home.

Oh well.  I know the future holds wonderful things for both Chelsie and Mark.  I'm coming to terms with the fact that they are all great dancers at this point, and it's really anybody's game.  I guess, now I'm rooting for Joshua all the way.  By the way, he looks great without the braces.  I just love him.

I really wish that the SYTYCD  tour was coming to Raleigh and NOT Charlotte.  I'm tempted to drive there to see it, but I'm afraid that driving three hours to see the cast preform would make me a creepy, pathetic weirdo.  But maybe not, I mean it is dance, so that's like performance...  Whatever.  Maybe they will add some tour dates.