I love cheese. It makes any food better- except cereal or ice cream or pancakes...well, maybe it is not great on everything... EVEN SO, I love it. I like all kinds of cheese. My top favorites would be muenster, swiss, havarti, mozzarella, blue, and feta. I've always felt that my life wouldn't really be complete without cheese. I want it! I crave it!
I've finally found out why I can't get enough of this delightful dairy product! There IS an actual explanation for why I can't kick the queso!!!
CHEESE CONTAINS TRACES OF MORPHINE!!! It turns out that cows produce morphine in their liver, and this gets into the CHEESE! I'm sure you can look elsewhere and find a more scientific explanation, but I think I've nailed the main point.
It makes sense. I mean, cheese doesn't really taste like much of anything. I've often wondered why I've developed such strong feelings for the cheddar! It's because I really am an addict! If tiny traces of morphine make me like cheese this much, I better stay away from the opiates! Imagine how much I'd like herion!
REALLY THOUGH, DRUGS ARE BAD. DON'T DO OPIATES!
I think cheese is safe enough though. Just don't get all strung out or go on day long cheese sprees!
So yeah, cheese is addictive and contains morphine. Who knew eating cheese was so edgy?!
Being that I'm obsessed with Halloween costumes, I stumbled upon some get-ups for dogs. These are so funny, but it's also kind of sad- the dogs look suicidal. I am guilty of dressing Tyra up, but I take her out of the outfit if it's obvious that she's miserable in it. I mean, she has a few dresses/hoodies that she really loves- really!
So without further delay:
This dog might actually like the Yoda costume.
This makes me laugh really hard!
This one does NOT look thrilled!
This poor dog is supposed to be Kenny from South Park!
This dog looks better in her Wonder Woman costume than I do! Check out those stems!
This is a Hippie. I just thought it was weird.
And here is a crazy looking dog nurse!
After compiling that, I have decided that Tyra will not be dressing up for Halloween. Maybe I will get her a hoodie with a pumpkin on it or something. She REALLY does love those, especially right after a haircut!
The "Sexual Innuendo" category has been covered. Now we will move to the "Just Plain Absurd/Genius" group. These costumes are funnier than the sexual ones, because they make no sense whatsoever. Here we go:
This is Mr. Potato head. I think it's a riot. If I saw a guy wearing this at a party, I'd ask him to marry me. It wouldn't even matter that I couldn't tell what he looked like. The costume is THAT good.
Clearly, this is a gingerbread man costume. I like how you can see the lady's glems coyly peeping through the mouth hole. I'm considering forgetting my "Wonder Mary" outfit and sporting this instead.
I'm not sure why anybody would want to be a barrel of monkeys for Halloween. This one is totally random. Maybe they have monkey butt?
Okay! I'm a total idiot. At first, I thought this was a peace sign. YEAH, I KNOW IT'S NOT! Then I thought it was an I LOVE YOU sign! WRONG AGAIN! HOW DID I MISS THE OBVIOUS?!!? It's THE SHOCKER- ONE OF MY FAVORITE HAND GESTURES! Yeah, and this should probably go under the douchebag category, but it's already here. I can't believe the make a costume of this.
This costume embodies my worst nightmare: being attacked by fowl!!!!! Okay to be honest, my worst nightmare would balloons glued all over me, but this is a close second.
I actually kind of like this costume. It's kind of cute. It's just a little random though, and it kind of looks like she's wearing a headboard.
Yes, a toilet is a bizarre costume- mostly though, I want to point out this guy's great modeling job! He's got raw talent! Way to make a shitter look good!!! Matter of fact, I think I have a new dream job: costume modeler! I want to try all these on and look like a goof while getting my picture taken. If anybody is hiring, let me know.
I love dressing up for Halloween! I've been scouring the internets for costumes, and it looks like I've stumbled upon a website that sells the most ridiculous assortment of outfits I've ever seen. Costume Supercenter's website is like crack! I couldn't stop looking. I had to keep scrolling through until I'd seen every terrible costume there was! I've picked some of my favorites to feature (and there are a lot- although, there were A TON more that I want to show, but that would take all day). I've separated the costumes into two categories: "Sexual Innuendos" and "Just Plain Absurd/Genius." Here we go...
"Sexual Innuendos"- These are pretty much costumes reserved for total douchebags.
This one is called "The Snake Charmer." Awesome... I'm kind of speechless.
This one is "Muff Diver." Yes! They went there!!! They even have a picture of a CLAM on the scuba suit. Now, that is genius! I really wish I could read the line under the clam. All I can make out is "Experience..."
Here we have "Heart On Adult Costume." It's a naked guy wearing a heart that says, "I've got a heart on!" This is so bad that it's good. The type of guy who'd wear this is one of those who thinks he's amazing, but all the girls are just laughing AT him...not WITH him.
This tissue box exclaims "Blow Me." I like how the tissue hat makes the guy look like The Flying Nun!
This might be my favorite. It's titled "Country Lovin." I've always been a fan of the inflatable ewe, so any costume that incorporates one is alright in my book. I love how the ewe is wearing fishnet stocking on her back legs. Hmmm. Although amusing, this one is slightly disturbing. Plus the model appears to weigh like 98 pounds.
I have SO many more, but I don't have time to post them all now. CHECK BACK FOR UPDATES!
I was driving in Wake Forest, and an interesting sign caught my eye. It was a digital sign at a pharmacy, and it said "Anti Monkey Butt Powder." I had no idea what this was. I thought maybe some kids got a hold of the sign controls and just wrote some dumb junk up there for a joke. Then I thought maybe it was some kind of new age holistic pharmacy with witchcraft or vodoo medicine. Either way, I thought it was pretty hilarious and weird, so I took a picture.
I Googled the phrase when I got home, and it turns out Anti Monkey Butt Powder is an actual product. I guess monkey butt is a nice way of saying nasty, sweaty ass. According to the AMBP website, their product is:
"Ideal for butt busting activities such as truck driving, motorcycling,
bicycling, horse back riding, and extreme sports. May
also be applied inside footwear, under sports pads, and other areas prone to chafing. Indoors or outdoors, work or play, or on occasions when you sit on your butt all day, don’t let your buns get red, use Anti Monkey Butt Powder instead!"
They even have a commercial on the website with a trucker complaining about his monkey butt. Check it out here!
Now, why is it called Monkey Butt? Do monkeys experience a lot of chafing? Are they really sweaty? Do monkeys participate in a lot of truck driving or extreme sports? I know some monkeys are in films, but acting isn't one of the "butt busting activities" listed. Or perhaps they just referring to that breed of monkey with the red butt, that resembles a big ole chapped rear?
Another point of confusion: I sit on my butt a lot (I drive a lot of long distances for work), and I never experience chafing or redness from just sitting motionless. How does your butt chafe like that? I thought it had to be rubbing against something to chafe. Do they mean that the actual butt cheeks are sticking together in the crack? That is definitely a problem I have never heard of. It's sick! If this is something that happens to people, I feel for them. It would feel like their crack was full of glue or something. Maybe this happens to men? I can't imagine a problem of this nature so severe that you would need to sprinkle powder in your drawers for prevention. That seems like a big mess. I don't know...
Maybe I'm missing something. Anyways, if YOU have this dilemma, I've just solved your problem. You're welcome!
I am waiting for the elevator at the courthouse.I am on the 11th floor.The only other person waiting is a disheveled looking Hispanic man.He’s wearing a denim jacket with jeans (a little Canadian tuxedo action). I am standing far away from him, but I notice him walking toward me.He gets RIGHT up behind me and is breathing REALLY heavily through his mouth.I shoot him an evil death stare, and move to the other side of the waiting area.Before I know it, he is making his way toward me again, and he is STILL all breathy!I move again!This keeps happening.He’s following me and breathing on me.I am practically pacing the vestibule to keep him away.Finally, I can’t take anymore.
Me: YES?!
Him: [indecipherable muttering]
Me:I’m sorry, what was that?
Him: Oh me!Oh me!I’m sorry.I’m trying to get to 5.
Me: You need to get to the 5th floor?
Him: Yeah…
Me: Alright...
Elevator comes.I go in and I press 1, then move to the back corner.He comes in behind me and just stands in the elevator looking confused.The door closes, and he is still standing there bewildered.
Me:You’re going to 5, right?
Him:Yes.
Me: [presses 5]
Him: Oh, thanks…
He gets off at 5.
Did you have an awkward moment? Email me, and it could be tomorrow's Daily Dagger!
Butty is an excellent word. Once you know what this word means, you'll use it all the time. TRUST ME! It's fun. Butty is a noun. It can mean one of two things: 1. A slice of bread and butter. 2. A sandwich.
Example: I really like a lot of mayo slathered on my butty!
Using this word can generate some odd looks from bystanders. Just roll your eyes at them and know that their vocabulary is obviously not as sophisticated as yours.
I want to be just like Barbara Walters, so I'm starting a segment similar to Barbara Walter's 10 Most Fascinating People. Cleverly, mine will be called Cliff Pant-one's Most Fascinating People. As I'm sure you can guess by the title, I'll be highlighting somebody whom I find fascinating each segment. Simple enough!
Here goes:
Today's fascinating person people (I just had to do a duo) are Peaches and Pixie Geldof. [START CLAPPING!]
I really don't have any idea who these people are, yet I'm still greatly intrigued by them. According to my good friend Wikipedia, Peaches and Pixie are the daughters of Bob Geldof (formerly of the band The Boomtown Rats) and Paula Yates (the late TV personality and writer). It seems that Peaches and Pixie are British socialites who have been compared to Paris and Nicky Hilton. I, however, find them much more fascinating than the Hiltons, which is why THEY are on CP's Most Fascinating People and Paris and Nicky are NOT.
What is so fascinating about Peaches (long dark hair) and Pixie (short blonde coif)?
They have weird names. Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof is Peaches' full name. I can't figure out if Pixie has any middle names, but I figure Pixie is unique enough. They also have sisters named Fifi Trixibelle Geldof and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence (she is a 1/2 sister).
They are younger and hipper than I am, so naturally, I'm fascinated. Peaches is 19 and Pixie is 18.
Peaches was caught buying drugs from Amy Winehouse's drug dealer on video.
Peaches was said to have suffered from a drug overdose,but she blamed it on inhaling fumes from her hair dye. Apparently she forgot to open the window and the funny stuff got to her.
Peaches ran off to Vegas to marry a guy in an American band. They're still married.
I like their clothes.
They have British accents, and that can make anybody seem more captivating.
I think Pixie was named "coolest girl in London" or something.
Pixie was traipsing about in the mud at some event. See, she's just like us! They also look dirty and unkempt a lot of the time, which I find enthralling. They're like chameleons, able to transform from totally raunchy hobos to glamor girls instantaneously!
Peaches made a series of documentaries called Teenage Mind, so she is doing some actual work and trying to make a difference.
They're sisters, and I think that the bonds between sisters are very interesting. The lives of sisters are very dramatic (especially if they are rich and beautiful and hopped up on drugs), because they're family and can pretty much say anything to one another. I think having sisters is like being bipolar- one minute you're fighting and the next you love each other again. I imagine it is this way a lot for Pixie and Peaches. But more than that, I like to think that they are sister best friends, which is the obviously the BEST part of having sisters.
The British media is constantly reporting that they are PARTYING THEIR BRAINS OUT! (I often
wonder how much these celebutantes party in comparison with "normal" kids their age. I mean, if most of 16 to twenty-something year olds had paparazzi following them, I think most of them
would be seen as alcoholic druggies too...I mean one shot of you passed out in the passenger seat of an SUV, and you're shipped off to rehab. This is not based on anybody I know, ya know...I'm just sayin'.)
They seem to have a lot of angst (which let's be honest, is riveting), and they've done some modeling.
I think they are really pretty, well-dressed and all around interesting to look at.
Now, I'm not saying that teenage drug use is a good thing, OBVIOUSLY! I am just trying to be like Ole' Babs and report on what THE PUBLIC wants to hear about, and that is batshit crazy rich teenagers.
I'm sure most people have heard that Travis Barker was in a plane crash and is now in critical condition at a hospital burn unit in GA. It just reminded me how about how great the Blink182 trio was. It makes me so sad that they broke up. No matter what anybody thinks of Blink, I think they're hilarious, and I'm sad that they aren't all together anymore. They reminded me of me and my friends (not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...). Either way, their Urethra Chronicles DVD always puts a smile on my face.
Here is the ending to one of those DVDs. Maybe Travis's injuries will bring Tom and them closer. Either way, I hope and pray that Travis, DJ AM and all the families of the victims are doing as well as possible in the given situation.
For some reason, I get a real thrill out of buying the corniest
brands possible. In most of my experience, the cheapest brand is the corniest. My latest fascination in this area focuses on
toothpaste brands. I think I’ve found
the cheapest: Aim, which retails for about $1.19. Aim isn’t really funny though. It’s just pretty lame. It tastes fine, and the box just says
Aim. BORRRINNG!
But I did find a funny
toothpaste, and it is not the
cheapest! My hypothesis has been proven inaccurate
(in the toothpaste department, at least)! For about $1 more, you can buy Close-Up.
Close Up is seriously ridiculous, which pretty much equals marvelous. For one, there is a really amazing photograph
of a canoodling couple, staring longingly into one another's eyes. Then if you flip the box over, you will see a
list of benefits experienced by those who use Close-Up:
Protects Teeth Against Cavaties
Gently Cleans & Whitens
Freshens Breath
Confidence to Get Close-Up!
And if that isn't enough, the box then claims that "Close-Up has a great-tasting sweet cinnamon flavor for confidence to spontaneously get close. Close-Up...the taste that heats things up!" Good Lord! How sexy can a toothpaste be?! Gettin close spontaneously?! Geez. It makes me think of grabbing strangers at the mall. Or maybe they weren't trying to be so sexual. They could've just had something like the crowded courthouse elevator in mind?
But then you have the actual color of the toothpaste: BRIGHT RED- the color of PASSION!!! I've seen red toothpaste before, but usually it's red because it has a cinnamon flavor or something. Now, this product claims to be cinnamon flavor, but i
t tastes like mint. I believe that it's only red to further illustrate the intimate relationships that will be brought upon as result of using Close-Up (as if the woman nestling in the nook of her goateed lovah wasn't enough to drive that point home). The alleged cinnamon flavor is simply a cover up.
And on the actual TUBE is another illustration of an embracing couple (click the pic to get a better view). Although this couple is portrayed in cartoon, the lady's hair blows in the wind, suggesting that they're on an exotic beach smelling each other's fresh breath.
Oh it's just so silly to me. Take a look at some of Close-Up's international couples:
The pretzel shop Daily Dagger reminded me of a story that happened back at my beloved alma mater:
When I was in college, I
took a public speaking class. On the
first day, we had to get with a partner, tell one another about ourselves, and
then our partners would introduce us to the class.
Well, I got paired up with a
girl who we’ll call Jessica. Jessica was
very thin and very blonde. She wore
tailored jeans and high heels, even though were in an 8 a.m. summer school
class at an all girls’ school (where most everybody wore pajamas). Among other things, Jessica told me about her
love for animals. She told me she had
two cats and was majoring in biology so that she could become a
veterinarian. In fact, she was working
as a receptionist at a local vet’s office part time.
I was a freshman, searching
for my identity. I didn’t know what I
wanted to be. I hadn’t picked a
major. I hadn’t ever had a real
job. I didn’t know this girl. I wasn’t going to pour my heart out to her
about all the soul searching I’d been doing. I told her that I was from Raleigh
and that I had three sisters. I told her
that my family had a poodle and that I’d just transferred from UNC-G. She asked me where I worked, and I said that
I didn’t have a job. Then for some
random reason I threw in, “I’ve kind of always thought it would be fun to work
at a pretzel shop though. It seems fun
to swing the dough around…and I think it’d be easy…”
So I had given her some dumb
facts about myself. I guessed that I
would sound pretty normal when she introduced me, maybe a little generic, but
whatever. I mean, there were like 8
people in the class, and I figured they’d see my personality shine when we got
further into the semester and I could do my actual
speeches.
Well, finally it was our
turn to introduce ourselves. We went and
stood in front of the class together.
I went first. “This is Jessica. She’s from New England,
and she moved to NC last year to go to Meredith. Jessica has two cats, and she is studying
biology so that she can become a veterinarian.” That was pretty painless, I
thought. The hard part is over. Now I’ve
just got to stand here while she talks about me.
Jessica began. “This is Mary!” Her high pitched voice rang out, as she
gestured toward me. “Mary has lived in Raleigh for her whole
life. Well, except for one semester when
she went to UNC-G, but moved home because she didn’t like it. Mary doesn’t really know what she wants to
major in. She also doesn’t know what she
wants to be when she grows up, but she thinks she might want to work at a
pretzel shop because it’d be easy…”
I looked out at the class as
each face stared back at me. Ohmigod, I thought. Could
she have made me sound any lamer?! Jessica
had made me sound like a total loser pot-head or something. I looked like the most unmotivated person in
the world. I was the female equivalent of
Clueless’s Travis Birkenstock.
“Okkkk…” the professor
said. “Thank you Jessica, and what was
it again…oh yes, Mary. Thank you, both!”
I shuffled back to my seat,
silently vowing to never speak with Jessica again.
I went to Auntie Anne’s pretzel
shop at the mall. I was wearing (what I
thought) was a pretty cute/put-together outfit, and my hair was looking tame. Basically, I’m trying to say that I didn’t
look like crap (because quite often, I do
go in public looking rather homeless). So
I’m at Auntie Anne’s, and the guy working there was probably in high school.
Me: Hi, can I just get a Diet
Coke please?
Cashier: What size?
Me: Ummm…medium, I guess.
Cashier: Ok. [turns to get cup, stops in his tracks and
looks back at me] Wait, do you work here?
Me: I’m sorry?
Cashier: Do you work here?
Me: No…
Cashier: Ok, just making
sure…
Then he got my drink, and I
paid.
Did you have an awkward
moment? Email it to me, and it could be
tomorrow’s Daily Dagger!
I was waiting for an elevator at the court house, and there was a mother with her little boy (who was about 3 years old) standing beside me. One elevator came, and it was packed full, so none of us could fit.
Little Boy: Those are BIGGGG people, Mom!
Me: [looks down and chuckles to self]
Mother: [shoots me evil death stare]
Me: [laughs audibly to mother, so she would know that I was laughing because I thought her kid was cute and saying funny things]
Mother: [jerks Little Boy away from me by the arm] That is not funny!It ain’t nice!
Me: [looks around nervously]
Mother: DO YOU HEAR ME, BOY?!?!
Then an elevator comes, and everybody crams in. Then I’m like five inches away from the lady’s face.Typical!
Did you have an awkward moment? Email it to me, and it could be tomorrow's Not-So-Daily Dagger!
On last night's episode of 90210, it was revealed that Dylan Mckay (Luke Perry) is the father of Kelly's baby. YES! I was rooting for this.
Now, I don't really like the new 90210. The old characters are the only reason I watch. I will probably quit watching it soon if they don't put more focus on them. The new characters are corny. It would be one thing if they were so corny and over-the-top that it was silly, but they're not. They're just boring. I think Naomi should develop a drug problem, then I might like the show better. It needs more angst!
All that thinking of 90210, got me remembering how much I loved Dylan Mckay. Gosh, he was really the quintessential tortured male teenager (with Jordan Catalano in a close second)...and so good looking, as I'm sure you can tell just by glancing at the photo of him in his poncho/baja. I'm so glad he's the father. Maybe he will come back for some appearances in the new season. Otherwise, he'd just be a deadbeat dad, and nobody wants that!
You can get Dylan Mckay's complete biography on Wikipedia. Here are some of my favorite highlights:
The mistreated son of a morally bankrupt business tycoon (and senator) Jack McKay and hippie ex-wife Iris McKay, Dylan starts the series with a reputation for being a dangerous loner.(I like the terms "hippie ex-wife" and "dangerous loner." I've always had an affinity to the term "loner with a reputation.")
With Brenda in Paris, Dylan starts spending a lot of time with Kelly by helping her babysit her little sister and entering a doubles beach volleyball tournament with her. (I just like the image of a "dangerous loner" entering a doubles beach volleyball tournament.)
Yet, he continues in his downward spiral, until his friends hold an intervention. He agrees to go to rehab, but checks out after only one day. He then loads up on drugs and gets into a life-threatening car wreck, where (while fighting for his life) he has a series of dream about his innocent half-sister Erica, and realizes that he must clean himself up in order to save her from her evil mother Suzanne and Suzanne's partner-in-crime Kevin. (This is just all very dramatic! I remember the dream Dylan had when he'd "[loaded] up on drugs." That was CLASSIC over-the-top cheesy 90210.)
Dylan returns to Beverly Hills towards the beginning of the ninth season, apparently because he misses his home and friends, although he admits to Kelly that he misses her especially. He also relapses and is once again on heroin (however, all references to his alcoholism are absent and he is frequently seen drinking alcoholic beverages in casual, social situations). After failing to win Kelly back, he starts dating the new bad girl Gina Kincaid, despite obviously still being in love with Kelly. (DRAMA, DYLAN! The heroin probably didn't help his chances winning Kelly back.)
Anyways, I just love Dylan. If he comes back, and they delete all the new characters from the show (except for Naomi - who should develop a drug problem and be subjected to an intervention led by Dylan. Maybe the two could somehow have a tough-love relationship with underlying tones of sexual tension, which could never be acted upon due to the extreme age difference.), the show will be great. I'd watch that every week!
I named my dog Tyra. Although she was not named after her, my dog happens to have the
same name as television personality/model Tyra Banks. I saw my dog and just thought, this dog screams 'call me Tyra'.
When I gave my dog this name, I figured
that enough people would have heard of Tyra Banks to know how to pronounce the
name. Apparently, I was wrong.
Nobody can get my dog’s name right!
Tara is the
most common mispronunciation. Tarah comes
in a close second. She’s also been
called Tyrell, Tyrone and Tyler.
It doesn’t bother me. I think it’s pretty hilarious. I mean, Tyrone?!
I used to want to give my kids weird names like Bijou and
Loulah (ok, I still like Loulah…),
but now I’ve realized that it probably would
be pretty annoying for a kid to go through life with such a difficult
name. I mean, people can’t even figure
out Tyra, and there’s a pretty popular Emmy Award-winning talk show host with that name!
All of a sudden, my neighborhood is full of mushrooms and batshit crazy squirrels. The mushrooms aren't really a problem. They're just random, and they're huge. I have always had a strong desire to step on or kick giant mushrooms, but I'm really fighting that this time around. I want to leave them intact because they're pretty much textbook toadstools. The structure is flawless. I saw one the other day with a cap the size of a knit beret! Anyways, I find it odd that I've never seen a single mushroom around here, and now there are like a hundred. I took a picture of some, and I rather fancy my photo. So I will share: Beautiful, isn't it?
Now the squirrels are more of a nuisance. For one, my dog wants to chase them all over the place. This distracts her from urinating/defecating quickly in the morning, which in turn leaves me running around in front of the house like a lunatic wearing PJs and a coif that could be the result of a crossbreed between Don King and Martha Washington.
Besides that, the squirrels have been having an acorn war of sorts. The A/C unit is right outside my window. It's large and metal, as I assume most A/C units are. Well the squirrels sit in a big tree right by the unit and dive-bomb acorns onto the hard surface. When the acorns hit the A/C unit, it creates a loud clangy noise. From the noise these nuts are producing, I imagine these acorns to be the size of human toddlers. It's insane, and it wakes me up. The other day I woke up at like 6 a.m. wondering why in the world my roommate would be walking around in stilettos at that hour. I thought maybe she was getting ready for work early. Then I realized it was THE SQUIRRELS. They are relentless!
I just wanted to share my experience so that if others are going through the same thing, they'll know that they're not alone. Maybe my story can help somebody.
My anonymous friend's bathroom has a little bit of a mold problem (which is basically due to her apartment being from before the turn of the century with poor caulking in the tub, which leads to water and mildew everywhere).
Anyways, all the mold has cleared up- EXCEPT for this corner of the bathroom, which is the worst of all. Before I post the picture, I want to tell you not to judge her. We all have sanitation problems at some point in our lives. So with that said, here is the photo of the corner:
Now, to me, my friend's bathroom bears a strong resemblance to Harry Goldfarb's staph infection in the film Requiem for a Dream (based on the book by Hubert Selby Jr, which by the way, was better than the movie).
<---There's Harry, to the left. I think the similarities are uncanny. It doesn't look pleasant for him, does it?
So today, my friend is undergoing a plan to ditch the mold. IF it works, I'll share her secret with you (assuming she doesn't kill me for posting photos of her sick bathroom all over the Internet). And if it doesn't, then I don't know what will happen. Maybe she will just move.
Update: Apparently, this is the result of a dirty wall that was painted over. According to the leasing office, the paint and dirt are mixing and the Staph Infection is the result. My friend is apprehensive.
I was making a delivery today when something struck me as
odd. It was about 2 in the afternoon,
and my destination was an office in a high rise building downtown- a high rise
building which will remain nameless to protect the parties of this incident.
I rode the elevator up to the 14th floor (which
is really the 13th floor, but they changed it to prevent bad luck or
something- I don’t get it, isn’t it still the 13th?), and I started
walking down the hallway toward my target.
Now as I walked down the corridor, I noticed one office’s
door was wide open. Keep in mind, this
is NOT the office I was delivering to. I
got closer, and I could see that the sign on the door said it was some very
professional office (still trying to keep it vague).
As I neared, I noticed an older man in chair. He had his head leaning back against the wall
and feet stretched straight out in front of him. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes were
fastened shut. Rough day, I thought. Maybe he’s just taking a load off… Then
I heard a low grumbling, and I noticed he was snoring! And pretty loud too! I mean, loud enough for me to hear in the
hall.
Then as I walked closer, I could see farther into the
office. That’s when I noticed that the only other person in the room, the
receptionist, had her head lying down on the desk "heads down thumbs up"
style.
I jiggled my keys as I moseyed by, hoping the noise would
rouse them. I mean, I figured they’d want
to wake up...or at least shut the door. I thought they’d be pretty embarrassed to know that people were walking
by, seeing them obviously conked out.
So I continued down the hall to make my delivery. I delivered it, and then turned to leave the same way I’d come in. I assumed the nappers would have stirred since I came in,
with the key noise and all, but no. The dude
was still sprawled out snoring like he’d been popped a roofie, and the lady’s
head was still completely covered and down on the desk.
I actually stopped in the open doorway to stare. I had my camera in my bag, and considered
taking a photo. I figured the noise and
flash would wake them. If only I’d had
my slightly more discreet Helio. Whatever. It’s probably best that I didn’t- since I’m
trying to protect their identities and all.
I just found this all very strange. Hopefully they hadn’t really had a roofie. Maybe
it was just a slow day, and it’s only Tuesday. Either way, I give them props for sleeping on the job! They must work really hard to be so exhausted.
I just felt the need to remind everybody how great Pink looked during her VMA performance last night. I love her! I had a slight obsession around junior year of high school (when her Missundaztood album was out), and I think it might be resurfacing. Anyways, maybe I'll chill out with the celebrity gossip after this one.....maybe...
So check out the photos! You can click them to make them larger!
Number 1: Demi Moore is super-human. She looks even younger and better than she
did right after all her plastic surgery!
Number 2: Russell Brand is my new obsession. His intense stares are genius. I’ve actually been watching YouTube videos of
him lately. I guess I’ve watched too
many, because when I have thoughts inside my head, I hear them in a male’s thick
British accent.
Number 3: Kevin Volchek from The OC is in the cast of
Twilight! I seriously can’t wait for that movie.
Number 4: The singer in Paramore has a better live singing
voice than any of the other performers. It sounds just like the recording. She also has cute yellow jeans.
Number 5: I can’t stand Miley Cyrus. I want to wipe that face off her mug!
Number 6: PINK IS SO HOT! She’s never looked better! She
can really pull off a LEOTARD! In my
opinion, her performance is the best so yet! Carey Hart eat your heart out!
Number 7: I can't wait for the Numa Numa song to come out on T.I.'s new CD!
Number 8: Christina Aguilera’s song was excellent!
Number 9: Britney won again!
Number 10: I am so sick of this Kidd Rock song, Summertime. The lyrics REALLY irritate me. I hate when people rhyme the same word. For example, the song goes "we were trying different things/ and we were smoking funny things." THINGS THINGS THINGS. I'm sorry. This is my number one pet peeve! He could have said, "we were trying different things/ and we were blowing smoke rings." I know my suggestion is wack, but ANYTHING would be better than rhyming things with things. Ok, whatever. I'm done.
Well, Britney Spears did a little skit with Jonah Hill to open the show. She looked great! When she was making her way to the stage I got goosebumps! Everybody was cheering! What a great moment! I wanted to cry tears of joy! I LOVE BRITNEY, and I can sense her big comeback coming any day now. I can't wait for her next album. AND SHE JUST WON A VMA FOR BEST FEMALE VIDEO!
Anyways, Rihanna preformed after that. It seemed like it would be good with all those crazy glowsticks, but it was kind of lackluster. She didn't sound great. She also had a rat-tail/mullet coif (haha- good use of the word of the day). I find this hairstyle worrysome. I LOVE RIHANNA! She is one of my favorites, but this just wasn't very amazing.
I just mostly wanted to say that I love Britney! AMERICA'S SWEETHEART REIGNS AGAIN!
Oh, it's a lovely Sunday night. I'm not doing anything, so I figured I'd cover the VMAs for y'all! I'm sure you're thrilled. So, the first item that struck me as news-worthy was Katy Perry's outfit. First of all, it is kind of fug. That is besides the point though. I mean, Taylor Swift's outfit might have been worse. I just don't care about that kind of thing! What was disturbing about Katy's outfit were her hot pants. They were all bunchie! Anybody who knows me, knows how I feel about saggy bunchie britches! Katy's weren't saggy, but the corset was all bunched up in her FUPA! Now, if she had on a darker colored pair of shorts, this issue could have been avoided. Unfortunately, she didn't. Sorry Katy! I love your song, Thinking of You, and I think it's great that you got your outfit at a thrift store! I just don't think the flesh colored panty pants were the best choice!
I went to Myrtle Beach over Labor Day weekend with my girlfriends for, what we like to call, "Prossy Time"- feel free to interpret that as you like. Durring PT, we drink and eat a lot and pretty much act like a bunch of asshats (sorry, but I've recently discovered this term, and quite frankly, I'm pretty addicted to saying it).
Myrtle Beach is notorious for crustashes and obnoxious airbrushed T-shirts. We really wanted to get into the Myrtle Beach mindset, so since we are girls and can't grow sparse patches of hair above our upper lips, we decided to go with the airbrushed T option. And to be honest, Sarah deserves full credit for this idea. She is genius.
We did a lot of debating over what would go on the shirt, but finally we came to a conclusion. The shirts would creatively read, "Prossy Time 2008." We also wanted to incorporate rasins into the shirt somehow, since we'd been saying, "you don't need a ra'sin to love a rasin" all weekend.
When inquiring where we could obtain some airbrushed treasures, a local told us there was a guy who did them at a kiosk at the Tanger Outlets on 17. So we headed over there. Then we began to hunt for the alleged guy through the maze of stores. Finally, we caught sight of some splotches of neon paint in the distance. We'd found it.
We checked out some samples and realized that this guy was pretty good! We saw some shirts that had a group of girls sitting on a beach. We asked if he could do that with six girls. He said that six wouldn't fit. Then I asked, "What about six raisins???" He didn't even act like it was a strange request. Although, I'm sure he gets people asking for weird junk on shirts all the time down there. I mean, I'd just walked past a couple wearing matching shirts that featured a pair of airbrushed hugging bears.
So anyways, he said he could do it. I didn't expect the shirts to come out nearly as amazingly as they did. I thought he would just put some brown circles with arms and legs on the shirts, but he put them infront of the ocean just like the one with the girls on the beach. It was better than my wildest Myrtle Beach Dreams! PERFECT! See for yourself (click to enlarge):
In all seriousness, this guy is an amazing artist! The details were impeciable. You should see all the other stuff he had on display! He works for ADT Designs. Visit there website here! I guess the company does all sorts of murals, but the one man also works at the booth at the Tanger Outlets. His name is Abe Baruchi, and here is a photo of him:
Please visit their website and contact him if you are need of an airbrushed item or mural.
I posted earlier about the girls on 90210 getting tattoos when they were in 8th grade. After I wrote that, I went looking online to see if anybody else had thought it was weird. I didn't really find anybody who was shocked by them being so young, but I did find a few people who said that the tattoo was NOT the Chinese symbol for friendship (like they said in the show).
Because I know that inquiring minds want to know, I went back to look at the tattoo from the show. Here it is:
Now this is what keeps coming up when I Google Chinese symbol for friendship:
Does NOT look the same to me! Anyways, this post probably indicates that I have too much free time on my hands. Either way, I wonder what the show's tattoo actually means. I'm also curious if the girls will have that tattoo every time they wear a bathing suit or something. It's really and unfortunate tattoo, and I wouldn't think the producers would make such a fugly marking permanent- but tattoos ARE forever...unless they introduce laser removal into the plot line.
Anyways, I'll never get a tattoo in another language. With my luck, I'd get one that was supposed to say "I love you," and it would really say "MOVE IT ASSHAT!"
I have just finished reading Twilight and New Moon by Stephenie Meyer. They are the first two books in
her Twilight Series. Currently, there are four books total, and they are all the rage. It's rumored that they will become as big as Harry Potter. I never read Harry Potter, but I CAN'T put these books down!
The Twilight Series follows Bella Swan though high school as she falls in love with a vampire! It sounds really stupid and like something I would avoid at all costs, but it is REALLY good. The vampire's name is Edward and I am obsessed with him. He is such an amazing character! It's sad, but I have found myself listening to songs on the radio and thinking, OHMIGOD BELLA AND EDWARD WOULD LOVE THIS SONG! I feel like I know them. The characters just come alive.
On top of having great plot lines, suspense and romance, there is some teen angst! I love it! And even though the book is about vampires, I feel myself relating with the characters. Ehhh. That did not sound good. I just meant that a lot of the high school feelings and experiences that Bella went through are universal, and Meyer
describes them in great detail. AND bestsellers are bestsellers because readers relate to them and empathize and feel like the story is meant for THEM!
Anyways, I can't wait to read the next two books. And I really can't wait until December, because that is when Twilight the movie is coming out. I hope it is portrayed well (I can see it getting corny if they aren't careful). Get ready, because I'm pretty sure Twilight mania is about to be bestowed upon us!
Twilight and New Moon BOTH recieve MMMMM (5 out of 5 Ms)!!!
I caught the first ever episode of the new 90210. I must say, it was pretty good. I don't really see it living up to Gossip Girl (by the way, I'm dying for Chuck and Blair to get together), but I will definitely be setting my DVR to record each week during the allotted time slot.
Anyways, my beef with 90210 is this:
Naomi is one of the most popular girls in high school. She is having her "not so sweet 16" in the first episode. Thus making her 15 at the start of the 2 hour screening. Later on in the show, Naomi bends over and subsequently reveals a small tattoo on her lower back.
I thought, Geezzz, a tattoo at 16 is kinda bizarre, but HEY they're in the 90210! People are nuts out there! Her parents probably got it for her on her 16th birthday. That is what I thought. I mean, her mom on the show was kind of a crazy lady and there are parents who try to be all hip and get their kids bellybutton rings on their 16th. Stupid, but whatever! I accepted it, and I moved on.
But later on in the show, Silver (the edgy blogger) bends over and has the same exact tattoo as Naomi When asked about the ink, Silver discloses that the tattoo is the Chinese symbol for friendship. Apparently, she and Naomi used to be best friends until Naomi betrayed her in the 8th grade.
Now unless I am missing something, I would assume that they got the tattoos before the friendship was severed...which was in 8th grade. I was waiting for some kind of explaination as to how the girls got tattoos at 12 or 13 years old, but I my ears never recieved their answer!
Why do these teenage melodramas have these kids doing completely rediculas things. I'd just finally accepted that the tweens on Gossip Girl go to bars and order Cosmos in their school uniforms. Now I'm being forced to believe that somebody agreed to permanently etch tramp stamps on two middle schoolers. GESH!
I guess I'll move on. I'm not going to loose any sleep at night over this. I just wanted to put it out there and see if anybody else found that odd. I mean, who knows what kind of awful tat I would have picked out in the 8th grade- probably a peace sign or a mushroom....or a fairy (actually, it probably WOULD have been a fairy). OH WOW! Anyways, I'm done.
PS I really do not watch that much TV. I'm just excited about the new Fall line up!
Coif sounds silly. It's pronounced [kwahf]. You can use it as another word for hairdo or hairstyle. There are a bunch of meanings for the word, but that is the one that would probably come up the most.
Here is the technical definition:
noun
1.
the arrangement of the hair (especially a woman's hair) [syn: hairdo]
And HERE is an example that is something like what I heard on What Not to Wear: "And now Nick Arrojo will try to tame Millie's wild and crazy coif."
e IS an actual explanation for why I can't kick the queso!!! 
Recent Comments