Cliff Pant-one

Dog Hypnotized by Cupcakes

I also react to baked goods in this manner:

[not so] Daily Dagger (because awkward moments can be like daggers to the heart...)

Okay.  So I was on a very crowded elevator at the courthouse.  I squeezed myself into the corner.  A man and a woman were standing on opposite sides of me.  I have drawn up a diagram of our standing arrangement:

 

Now of course,  you have to imagine about twelve other people crammed in there with us.  But as you might be able to see, the awkwardness of the ride began before our conversation even started.  It's a bit hard to tell from the picture, but they were on my sides with their hands clasped in front of me.  They were not well infront of me, holding hands side by side.  Their hands were right in front of my crotch.  Had I move an inch forward, I'd have gotten to second base.  By the way, what's up with couples who can't even quit holding hands for ONE second?!  Even when they're about to make contact with strange crotch!?

Oh well.  So that is the set up.  Here is the very awkward conversation:

Lady:  You're cornered back there.

Me: Yeah.  That's okay though.  I always get in the corner.

Lady: Just don't start crying.

Me: Yeah...[ponders previous statement, mind is boggled by why I would start crying]...[a few seconds pass].....OH!  I get it.  Like Dirty Dancing!

Lady: [truly bewildered] HUH?!

Me: Like, nobody puts baby in a corner...oh wait, err no...that's not right.  I'm an idiot.

Lady: I'm an idiot too, but good movie...

By the end of the conversation my face was beet red.  On top of just sounding like a loon, I let the lady know that I had no idea what she was talking about with the crying.  In fact, I still don't.  Oh well. I guess I'll never know.

Did you have an uncomfortable moment?  Email me, and it could be tomorrow's Daily Dagger.

Killer Biscuit

Yet again, I've become the unwilling victim of BLOGGER'S BLOCK!  Although my days have been good, nothing really hilarious or, as they say, wacky has been happening!  However, I do have a feeling this weekend holds quite a few gems...just a hunch.   But I feel like Cliff's been neglected, so I'm going to leave you all with this:

Spotted: Macramae Koozie

I was in Myrtle Beach over the weekend, and I went to Fat Harold's with my family.  Fat Harold's is a shag club where lots of adults and "mature" people go to dance to beach music.  It's pretty entertaining as there's always a really colorful crowd. 

Well, my sisters and I (and Jen(na)) were just sitting at a table watching everybody, and I noticed that the woman behind us had brought along a little something extra...it was a koozie.  She'd brought along her own koozie to keep her beer cool.  Alright.  That's okay.  A little random, but not too bad.  But then I noticed something weird about the koozie: it was macramaed out of yarn.  She had crafted her own koozie, and I guess she takes it everywhere.  Of course, we (stealthy) captured an image.  Here it is:

This is great!  It's the kind of thing you can only see at Myrtle Beach.  THIS is why I MUST move there!  No social pressure and macramed koozies.  It doesn't get better than that!

Snuggie: Warm AND Stylin'

 Knowing exactly what I wanted, My step-mother (who will be referred to as SM from now on) ordered me a Snuggie for Christmas. I just got it today!  Apparently Snuggies are are in very high demand, because it was six weeks back-ordered!  My SM had received a card in the mail (the day before Christmas Eve), notifying her of the delay with the order.  Along with the note, the Snuggie people thoughtfully included a link to an online photo of the Snuggie that people could print out and wrap up so that the recipients of the late Snuggie would have something to open on Christmas morning.  I found that highly amusing.  Sadly, my SM opted not to print out the photo, but I decided not to hold that against her. 

Now I can rest easy, because I have my Snuggie.  Despite the economic hard times, my SM shelled out the extra dinero for the Snuggie with the extra luxurious fleece fabric and handy pockets.  It is delightful.  I'm very warm, and my arms never have to leave the comfort of the blanket!

If I was forced to single out one point that could lead to the Snugggies demise, it would be this: it's not very stylish or flattering.  In fact, it's ridiculous looking (as you can all tell from the above pictures).  So being up for a challenge, I attempted to glamorize my Snuggie.

As you can see, I gave it a valiant effort:

 

I've belted the waist and draped the fabric into a cowl neck.  Of course I also popped in my faux diamond studs and added a lil' lip gloss and rouge.  And from the back:

 

I've formed the luxurious fleece into a low open back!  And you can't see a lot of it, but there is a sexy slit up the back!  In my opinion, this isn't that far a stretch from some of the frocks celebs wear to award shows.  AND if you really want to know what I think, I'd say the tremendous coverage leaves more to the imagination.  Final point: if I'd been fortunate enough to have been invited to an inauguration ball, I'd be donning this.

I made a Tumblr site...

Still trying to figure all this Tumblr stuff out, but check out my page if you have one too!  Here's My Link !  Follow me! 

The Rephresh Commercial Makes Me VERY Uncomfortable.

I hope this never comes on when I have a boy over!

Misty Water Colored Memories: Mary Jane & Friends Bakery Products

All that talk about Nancy's face on the soap got me thinking about my favorite "realistic face on product."  Me and Amy were in Myrtle Beach during the year of 2005 (May to be exact), and we found this bread, and the brand was called "Mary Jane and Friends."  I have never seen this product in Raleigh...only at M.B.  God knows why they are the only ones who get to feel its wonder.  I guess we'll never know. 

So anyways,  this bread was hilarious for a number of reasons.

• The obvious: the doobieliscious name.

• The fact that it is not just Mary Jane alone, but she has two side kicks (both of whom look much younger than her...perhaps she is their sitter?)
• Her male friend's choice of garb (the button-up denim shirt with a few claps left undone to reveal a stylish white cotton turtleneck --- hey, at least it's not a mock)
• Mary Jane's hairstyle.  We found her sideswept emo bangs highly entertaining at the time.
• The little blurb above the title that reads "enriched buns."

We were so pleased with our find that we decided to roll the shopping cart into the condo and photograph ourselves WITH Mary Jane and her two cohorts by means of the self timer function on the camera.  See below:

Every time we went to MB after the initial discovery of MJ and Friends, we made a point to pick up another of their products.  In time, I think we went through a bag of hot dog buns (and we didn't even have hot dogs), a loaf of bread and a pack of yeast rolls.  We could have kept collecting, but MJ & F is becoming increasingly harder to find.

Perhaps I will send them some fan mail in hopes of obtaining a few coupons, or even better, some free merchandise adorned with their logo.

Oh good!  I found the pictures of us with their other products.  PLEASE excuse the way I look in these shots.  With its lack of social pressures, I do not take great pride in my appearance when on holiday at Myrtle Beach (especially in 2005).   And in one of these photos, we were dressed up pretending to be an emo band, so that may offer a bit of comfort to the unsettled feeling you might get upon viewing:

I made the previous one smaller in hopes to keep our appearances as inoffensive as possible.  

My Best Friend is Funny: Nancy Soap

Two of my best friends (Amy and Heather) lived in Panama (Central America) for a while, and I have a bunch of pictures from their time there saved to my computer...I used to live with Amy, and she put her pics on my laptop.  Anyways, I stumbled upon a few pictures that make me laugh really hard, and I felt compelled to share them with you surfers of the web. 

When Amy first showed me these little gems, I was 10 shades of confused.  Now if I imagine correctly, I'm willing to bet that you're, upon seeing these for the first time, feeling a bit perplexed as well.  Well apparently, there is a brand of soap in Panama called "Nancy."  Not only is Nancy funny for simply being a realistic face on a pack of soap, but she could not look anymore non-Panamanian.  It's just really random.  So Amy, sharing my love for puss-clad products, was compelled to hold "Nancy" up to some traditional Panamanian posters in hopes of creating a superimposed Nancy head look.  What Amy did create was a brilliant photograph!  One in which, you can hardly tell what is real and what isn't.  I especially love the first one. Pure genius I tell you!  I LOVE AMY!!! By the way, it is her birthday tomorrow, so send her your wishes!

Here is an extra shot of the soap without a poster in the background.  It might clear up any additional puzzlement.

Tyra's Electroshock Therapy!

Because it has been so cold, I got Tyra a new hoodie.  (By the way, I got it from a new locally owned store called Unleashed in the Lake Boone Shopping Center--- go there.)  So, I took her to the post office with me, and as soon as she got in the car, static electricity took over and every hair on her body stood up.  It was adorable.  I tried getting a picture, but Tyra hates the camera.  The only way I could get a decent shot was to get outside of the car and pretend like I was about to let her out (which I eventually did).  See for yourself:

This is absolutely what Sara Goldfarb would look like if she were a Shih Tzu.

I love my dog.

Life's Little Riddles: Is Playing Rock Band Fun?

I have never played the popular video game Rock Band, but I'm well aware that it's a big hit among almost every bracket of the population.  Well, lots of people on Facebook and stuff post pictures of themselves playing said game, and in most of the pictures, the people do not look like they're having fun.  The shots make the game look sedentary and geriatric rather than cutting edge and thrilling.  Point being, pictures of people play Rock Band do not make me want to join in.  Let's take a look:

  I do like that the singer in this group made the effort to stand upright.

  At least this band's singer looks rather passionate.

  This one appears to have been a secret candid.

  Just loafing around!

I don't know.  It MUST be funner than it looks!  I mean, it has to be.  I guess I will have to try it out, and take some photos of myself looking like a zombie vegetable holding two wooden pegs (sticks would have been the more appropriate word, but I enjoy saying pegs).  Now if you'll excuse me, I have a bundle of lollies and fizzy drinks with my name on it!  Ta-ta!

The City's Nevan was Arrested for Pursuing BJs...classy! (and issues with The City)

So, I've been on a blob reading binge, and a lot of posts on Gawker.com and Jezebel.com have centered around MTV's The City (understandably, as both are based out of NYC).  So, I feel it is my duty to share with you one such article about Nevan, Olivia's "social" cousin who is the epitome of charm and grace.  Apparently, he got arrested for pursing a BJ by way of prossy in FL.  The info originally came from The Smoking Gun, but I prefer Gawker.  Of course, you can click on TSG links to get more info.  Also, please pay attention to reference to Nevan's "rhinestone belt" and "shiny underwear."  Here's the article.

And since I'm no the topic, you should probably read this old article from New York Magazine about Olivia Palermo.  (Besides her, the article talks about some really fascinating stuff such as a [now down] website called Socialite Rank.) Apparently, there's a lot to say about ole Mad Libs (Olivia)... and a lot that people in good ole NC don't know!  Gah- we should all just pack up and move to THE CITY!

Oh!  I feel the need to add: has anybody else notice how damn skinny Whitney Ports legs are?!  She has really dropped a ton of weight since The Hills started (which is typical...you know, becoming a larger than life celebrity and all).  Here's a shot of Whitney, Mad Libs, and Erin's legs.  Guess which sticks are Whit's! Whitney's are the second pair (from whichever way you look), although, all those stems could use a cheeseburger.  And cute pink shoes, Erin!

Daddy's Girls and Hills Girls: Same Apartment?

Daddy's Girls is a new reality show on MTV.  It follows Angela and Vanessa Simmons through their new lives in LA.  It seems like a fine show (although the ending where they email their father a "progress report" is pretty scripty and campy), but there is one thing that's been bothering me.

I'm pretty sure that A and V are residing in the exact apartment (or at least the same complex/building) that L.C. and Audrina from The Hills lived in.  The only differences appear to be the furniture (duh), the light fixtures and the paint on the door, cabinents and walls.  To me, it makes the show seem faker.  It's like, did they really go to LA and just happen to move into the same building as LC?  Or did the producers set them up to live there, because the place was already set up for filming?  I don't know. Aren't they trying anymore?! It just doesn't add up.  And on top of that, I think I'd find it more aesthetically stimulating to subject my senses to a new visual- instead of the same ole apartment that I've seen a million times.

 

OH!  I'm still also confused about whether Schwee was real or not.

Cliff Pant-one's Hottest Men of Reality TV

As promised!  I had trouble narrowing it down!!!

Number 10: Santino Rice (Project Runway)

Number 9: Bret Michaels (Rock of Love)

Number 8: Isaac Stout (Real World Sydney)

Number 7: Cohutta Lee (Real World Sydney)

Number 6: Joshua Allen (So You Think You Can Dance)

Number 5: CT Tamburello (Real World Paris)

 

 

Number 4: Andre Birleanu (America's Most Smartest Model)

 

 

Number 3: Justin Bobby (The Hills)

 

 

Number 2: Kenny Wormald (Dance Life)

 

Number 1: Danny Nunez (Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency)

 

It was hard, but I had to narrow it down.  Honorable mention goes to pretty much every guy on The Real World challenge shows.

Cliff Pant-one's Hottest Girls of Reality TV

I saw some list of this nature, and I thought it sucked.  It included people such as Pumpkin (Flavor of Love) and Frenchie (Rock of Love).  I'm sure some people find them sexy, but I just thought I could do better.  So I started to compile my list, and one thing became very apparent: I am very heterosexual.  I think women are beautiful, and I thought I would have NO problem thinking of the hottest ones on reality TV, but I got stumped.  I could only think of seven that I feel are georgous to the point that they could be on CP's list.  So here they are (and don't worry, a guy list is coming later):

Number 7:  Holly Huddleston (Sunset Tan)

(Holly is on the right in this pic.  Molly (on the left) is pretty too, so she can be on the list as an honorable mention.)

Number 6: Chante Leblanc (Maui Fever)

Number 5: Dani Evans (America's Next Top Model)

 

Number 4: Brittany Flickinger (Paris Hilton's My New BFF)

Number 3: Kim Stolz (America's Next Top Model)

Number 2: Alexis Hutt (Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency)

 

Number 1: Anna Stimson (Maui Fever)

I'm pretty sure all of these girls have gone onto work in the modeling/acting industry.  Looking at my choices, do you think I have a type?  Blondes! 

The cutest thing I've seen all year!

Yes, I'm one of those sick people who thinks it's adorable to put dogs in clothes.  Hey!  At least I'm upfront about it! Anyways, I saw these pictures on www.puppyangel.com .  It's a wholesale dog apparel website.  Even if you're not a retailer looking for merch, it's worth going to that site just to look at  the cutest pictures ever in the whole world.  Yes, that is a bold statement, but I'm confident I can back it up. 

Have a gander:

 

 

I'm fully willing to admit that, after seeing these photos, I'm planning to grow Tyra's ears out so that I can braid them.  I can hardly stand it, it's so cute!  Okay.  Go to the aforementioned site for more shots! 

WTF: Drugged-out Aussie Kangaroo Dancing at Volleyball Game

 

This is a still from the Aussie Shampoo commercial- the one where they're all playing volleyball, and this guy is on the side lines dancing like a spasming starfish.  I find it highly entertaining.  They're just playing ball, and then they flash over, for like a split second, to said marsupial.  He looks insane. He's just convulsing for a second, humping the air. His tongue is hanging out of his mouth, for Chrissake.  It's like he took some Xanax before the game and is trying to muster up the energy to cheer and look alive.  Oh me.  Just makes me laugh.  Here's the full commercial:

Spotted: Pervy Guy on I-40

My sister and I were driving home from South Point Mall on I-40.  Coasting along next to us was a black Chevrolet Aveo with FL tags.  Inside was a normal looking man.  He was probably in his late 20s with a slim build and black gelled hair.  He was wearing sleek sunglasses and a slippery looking black zip up jacket.  He kind of reminded me of Neo in The Matrix.

So we were just driving away, minding our own business, when something caught KT's eye.  "What is that guy doing?" She asked.  "Are those thongs?"

I turned to look, and she was right.  The man had a handful of multicolored G-strings in his fist.  He was driving with his wrists, and shifting through the panties.  It appeared that he was counting them. 

"Well, that's weird," I said.

"Yeah." 

We drove on some more. 

"OHMIGOD, Mary!"  KT shouted.  "NOW HE HAS A DILDO!"

I looked over, and sure enough, the man was holding an average sized Caucasian rubber schlong. Before I could shake off my shock, the guy flings the white peen onto the passenger seat and grabs a VERY large African American model; this one was complete with balls. 

At this point we were driving erratically (no longer minding our own business) trying to see what this guy was going to do next.  Well we were in for a treat, because next he stuck the giant black d*ck in his MOUTH!  Yes in the pie-hole the member went. 

We were in shock!  What in the world?!  This average looking guy was just driving down 40 sticking man-made genitalia in his mouth.  Now I've seen it all!  I really don't know how I see so many weird things all the time.  I'm a magnet for weirdos.

So then we regained our composure, and the man exited on Harrison Ave.  Maybe he was making a  porno at The Umstead Hotel?  Or maybe he was just making a pit stop at the ChickFila.  I have no idea. 

XOXO Cliff Pant-one