Cliff Pant-one

Cliff's Favorite Things (Just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Close-Up Toothpaste

For some reason, I get a real thrill out of buying the corniest brands possible.  In most of my experience, the cheapest brand is the corniest. My latest fascination in this area focuses on toothpaste brands. I think I’ve found the cheapest: Aim, which retails for about $1.19. Aim isn’t really funny though. It’s just pretty lame. It tastes fine, and the box just says Aim. BORRRINNG!

But I did find a funny toothpaste, and it is not the cheapest! My hypothesis has been proven inaccurate (in the toothpaste department, at least)! For about $1 more, you can buy Close-Up.

Close Up is seriously ridiculous, which pretty much equals marvelous. For one, there is a really amazing photograph of a canoodling couple, staring longingly into one another's eyes. Then if you flip the box over, you will see a list of benefits experienced by those who use Close-Up:

• Protects Teeth Against Cavaties
• Gently Cleans & Whitens
• Freshens Breath
• Confidence to Get Close-Up!

And if that isn't enough, the box then claims that "Close-Up has a great-tasting sweet cinnamon flavor for confidence to spontaneously get close. Close-Up...the taste that heats things up!"  Good Lord!  How sexy can a toothpaste be?!  Gettin close spontaneously?!  Geez.  It makes me think of grabbing strangers at the mall.  Or maybe they weren't trying to be so sexual.  They could've just had something like the crowded courthouse elevator in mind? 

But then you have the actual color of the toothpaste: BRIGHT RED- the color of PASSION!!!  I've seen red toothpaste before, but usually it's red because it has a cinnamon flavor or something.  Now, this product claims to be cinnamon flavor, but i t tastes like mint.  I believe that it's only red to further illustrate the intimate relationships that will be brought upon as result of using Close-Up (as if the woman nestling in the nook of her goateed lovah wasn't enough to drive that point home).  The alleged cinnamon flavor is simply a cover up.

And on the actual TUBE is another illustration of an embracing couple (click the pic to get a better view).  Although this couple is portrayed in cartoon, the lady's hair blows in the wind, suggesting that they're on an exotic beach smelling each other's fresh breath.

Oh it's just so silly to me.  Take a look at some of Close-Up's international couples:

Cliff's Favorite Things (Just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Myrtle Beach Airbrush T-shirts

I went to Myrtle Beach over Labor Day weekend with my girlfriends for, what we like to call, "Prossy Time"-  feel free to interpret that as you like.  Durring PT, we drink and eat a lot and pretty much act like a bunch of asshats (sorry, but I've recently discovered this term, and quite frankly, I'm pretty addicted to saying it).   

Myrtle Beach is notorious for crustashes and obnoxious airbrushed T-shirts.  We really wanted to get into the Myrtle Beach mindset, so since we are girls and can't grow sparse patches of hair above our upper lips, we decided to go with the airbrushed T option.  And to be honest, Sarah deserves full credit for this idea.  She is genius. 

We did a lot of debating over what would go on the shirt, but finally we came to a conclusion.  The shirts would creatively read, "Prossy Time 2008."  We also wanted to incorporate rasins into the shirt somehow, since we'd been saying, "you don't need a ra'sin to love a rasin" all weekend. 

When inquiring where we could obtain some airbrushed treasures, a local told us there was a guy who did them at a kiosk at the Tanger Outlets on 17.  So we headed over there.  Then we began to hunt for the alleged guy through the maze of stores. Finally, we caught sight of some splotches of neon paint in the distance.  We'd found it.

We checked out some samples and realized that this guy was pretty good!  We saw some shirts that had a group of girls sitting on a beach.  We asked if he could do that with six girls.  He said that six wouldn't fit.  Then I asked, "What about six raisins???"  He didn't even act like it was a strange request.  Although, I'm sure he gets people asking for weird junk on shirts all the time down there.  I mean, I'd just walked past a couple wearing matching shirts that featured a pair of airbrushed hugging bears.

So anyways, he said he could do it.  I didn't expect the shirts to come out nearly as amazingly as they did.  I thought he would just put some brown circles with arms and legs on the shirts, but he put them infront of the ocean just like the one with the girls on the beach.  It was better than my wildest Myrtle Beach Dreams!  PERFECT!  See for yourself (click to enlarge):


In all seriousness, this guy is an amazing artist!  The details were impeciable.  You should see all the other stuff he had on display! He works for ADT Designs.  Visit there website here!  I guess the company does all sorts of murals, but the one man also works at the booth at the Tanger Outlets.  His name is Abe Baruchi, and here is a photo of him:

Please visit their website and contact him if you are need of an airbrushed item or mural.

Cliff's Favorite Things (Just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Latex Ornament Cap

Well, it finally came- my "ClubSwim Latex Ornament Cap."  Although, I do prefer to refer to it as my vintage inspired swim cap.  I'm so excited!

As you can see, it looks amazing!  It fits great too!  It doesn't squeeze my head at all.  To be truthful, it is probably verging on too loose to actually keep my hair dry, which is surprising because my head is really large...it really is.  But I'd rather have it loose.  I mean, I'm not really worried about my hair getting wet.  It's just going to get all sweaty up underneath there anyways. Obviously, I didn't buy this as a hair protector, but in hopes of making myself more aerodynamic.

This beautiful cap was only like $5 at swimoutlet.com .  It was on sale.  Can you imagine?!  I'd think these would be flying out of stock like flapjacks.   Forget having them around long enough to make it to the sale section.  Either way, I'm reaping the benefits! 

WOO HOO!  I can't wait to rock this on the beach on Labor Day! I'm sure my friends are thrilled!

Cliff's Favorite Things (Just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Foliage Plants

I got this amazing "foliage plant" at Harris Teeter.  It was only $3.99.  Can you believe it?!  That is a sale price.  I'm sure it was reduced because this plant is kind of dying, but I have faith that I can revive it. 

This particular specimen is a Spindler Palm.  It enjoys warm temperatures and doesn't need much water or sunlight (maybe I don't need it right by the window...). 

I had been wanting some greenery in my apartment for a while.  I was thinking of getting a fake rubber tree plant, but they are so expensive.  I mean, they can go up to hundreds of dollars.  This near-dying Spindler Palm was much more affordable.  AND I think it will be more rewarding in the long run- after I save it's life. 

So, go out to Harris Teeter and pick up a foliage plant on sale. 

Cliff's Favorite Things (just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Afrin

I'm sick, and Afrin Nasal Spray is my crack.  I know that I'm not supposed to like Afrin, but I do...a little too much.  You are only supposed to use it like every 12 hours, but I use it much more frequently.  I know that this will end up in addiction, and I will have to wien myself off and eventually detox-  a process that is never fun. I just can't help it.  It's such a quick fix. 

In fact, I found myself at Harris Teeter at 2 a.m. the other night just trying to get a bottle!  Gosh, It wasn't long ago that I was shooting Afrin everyday, sick or not.  I kicked the habit, but this cold might be what ignites the relapse.  My father is concerned. 

Either way, it's one of my favorite things.  You will love it.  Try it if you have a clogged nose.  Two squirts per nostril and you're breathing clear!  Just remember that it is addicting.  You don't want to end up with a deviated septum!  Enjoy responsibly.

Cliff's Favorite Things (just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): McDonald's Vanilla Cone

I can't get enough of the McDonald's Vanilla Cone!  I would choose this ice cream over Ben & Jerry's, Baskin Robbins, Cold Stone, or any other specialty ice cream place (welllll, maybe not Goodberry's, but that's custard...). 

The vanilla soft-serve comes in a delightful cone.  When filled with the creamy desert, the cone becomes saturated and softens until it reaches the perfect smunchy (not a real word) consistency- soft but still keeps a crunch.

The best part of this ice cream is that it only has like 150 calories per cone.  And on top of that, it's only $1.08 with tax! 

So drive to the nearest McDonald's drive-through, roll down your window, and shout, "One vanilla cone please!"  It's quite fun to say.  You'll be surprised.  And hey, buy one for your roommate while you're there.  Karma will reward you!

Cliff's Favorite Things (just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Shick Intuition

This may be old news, because it's been out for a while, but I'm completely obsessed with the Shick Intuition razor.  I was thinking about it in the car when I heard some commercial for laser hair removal.  They were saying, "Stop living with the daily chore of shaving."  And I thought, shaving is hardly a chore.  But then I realized that it's not a chore to ME because I use the Intuition!

I've had one since college, and I can't imagine having any other razor.  I admit, I DID have a brief stint with the Venus razor.  During that time, my life felt unfulfilled, and I went running back to the Intuition.

The Intuition has a brick of some kind of soap stuff on top so that you don't have to use shaving cream.  Just whip the thing up and down your legs a few times, and you're good to go.  It takes like MAYBE two minutes to shave your legs.  Plus, you never get cut! 

So anyways, go get one!  Maybe men can use it on their face?  Probably not, but it's worth a try.

Cliff's Favorite Things (just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): THE SLAMMER!

My sister shared something with me today, and it might just be the best thing ever.   I am being compelled to share it with all of you.  What she brought over was a small magazine printed on newsprint paper called The Slammer.  The Slammer is a weekly publication that prints MUGSHOTS of people who have been arrested in the area. 

So right off the bat, we have MUGSHOTS- something that I love.  And moreover, MUGSHOTS of people who I may know (and YES, I did see one person I knew in The Slammer- a guy from High School who will remain nameless).   

Now I know this may be hard to believe, but it gets even better.  The people who publish The Slammer are hilarious, so it is really (REALLY) entertaining to read!  They have sections of mugshots called things like "Smiles & Tears" (people smiling and crying- smiling is especially hilarious), "Slammer Salon" (people with the worst hair), "Faux Hawks" (self explanatory), and "Man or Woman" (where you guess if the mugshot is that of a man or a woman, and I actually might have the name wrong on that one- Katie took the magazine back).  They even have sections where they recount details of stupid crimes.  The writing is  dry, sarcastic, hysterical, and GENIUS!

How did I  not know about The Slammer before?!  My life seemed to be lacking of something, but now the void is full.  Your life can be complete too.  You can experience the same happiness that I felt tonight, as my fingers flipped through the dusty pages, for just $1.   You can buy it at select convenience stores.   Katie got hers at the Citgo by Frat Court. 

Here is their website.

Cliff's Favorite Things (Just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Gruyere Chik'n Cutlet

Okay.  I just wanted to share something with you.  Quorn Gruyere Chick'n Cutlets are the most amazing thing ever.  I could eat them everyday!  In fact, I have one in the oven RIGHT NOW!!! It is meatless chicken with gruyere cheese inside.  It melts out of the side when it cooks!  It is sooooo good!  It tastes exactly like chicken.  I prefer Quorn fake chicken over Morning Star Farms.  It is wayyyyyyyyyy  better, but I don't think many people know about it.  Anyways, you should really try it (or any Quorn products) because it's  delicious.  They have it at pretty much any grocery store.  Here is the website: QUORN!

UPDATE:  Quorn products are made from Mycoprotein, which the Quorn website defines as "a nutritious member of the fungi family, as are mushrooms, truffles, and morels."   This sounds weird, but it's incredibly delicious, high in protein, low in fat and calories and cholesterol, and high in fiber.