Cliff Pant-one

Life's Little Riddles: Why does the Kushyfoot girl have such big knockers?

I was in line at the pharmacy last night, picking up my eye drops (since a bug assaulted my eye, and BRUISED it, and gave me PINK EYE), and I noticed these little socks called Kushyfoot.  I guess they are padded socks or something, and they're supposed to be really comfortable.  They're for women, so of course they made some "cute" cartoon girl on the package.  Maybe it's supposed to make the product seem trendy or relateable.  Or it's supposed to make it seem like these padded socks aren't just for old grannies!  They're for pert little blondes with ENORMOUS fake fun-bags!!!

Yeah.  That's where I have a problem.  This girl, who I'll dub The Kushyfoot Girl, has the most giant boobs ever.  Her proportions are farther out of wack than Barbie's (before she got her new, more realistic body)!  All I could do was stare at The Kushyfoot Girl's chest.  Then I felt like a perv.  Then I started taking photos of her with my phone, and felt even more creepy.  (For the record, I don't think anybody noticed.)

Here are the pics:

 

 

 

You will have to excuse the poor photo quality- the Helio isn't what it used to be.  Anyhow, you will have to trust me when I say that her tatas looked even bigger in real life.  And in the third picture, it looks like her boobs are being cuffed underneath by some weird seam in her blouse.  Oh me.  Kushyfoot Girl doesn't even look that modern.  She looks kind of retro, but she does appear to have used "THE BUMP HAIRPIECE".  Maybe they made her look old fashion on purpose so their marketing plan wouldn't exclude senior citizens.  She's young, but she's old- it kind of targets EVERY market.  Hey, it even targets men who like large bosoms.  Maybe the Kushyfoot marketing team is onto something. 

Either way, I think her boobs are ridiculously large, and I think it's weird that they would make them so oversized.  Maybe Kushyfoot Girl should try out for Rock of Love 4, because I don't really see Bret and Taya lasting that long.

Life's Little Riddles: Who Goes to Subway for a Bag of Green Peppers

Katie and I went to Subway tonight.  You know, we thought a nice veggie delight sub would be just perfect after our power walk. 

So we were standing in line, and some guy comes in.  "You can go ahead of us," she told him. 

To that he says, "Oh cool.  I'm just getting some green peppers anyways."

We gave said guy a sideways glance as he scooted forward and requested a bag of peps. The sandwich artist dutifully filled a cookie bag with the peppers. 

Then when he got to the register, the cashier/owner or manager was like, "That will be $1 (I'm not sure that is the right amount, but something like that)."

The guy goes, "Oh really?  Well, I don't have any money.  I've gotten these here like twice before and never had to pay."

"Well you pay now!"

"Alright, let me go out to my car."

So the guy goes out to scamper up some change, and the owner starts muttering under his breath about how annoying it is to always be giving that guy peppers. 

Guy comes back in, pays for the peps, and leaves.

Now WHY was he buying peppers?  Here are some possibilities:
-He worked at a restaurant near by that had run out of peppers.
-He was using them to get high some how.
-He was making stir-fry at home and had all the ingredients but green peppers.
-He forgot to buy peppers at the store, and he remembered right when he was passing Subway. 
-He is poor and thought that peppers were free, so he figured he could only afford to eat free Subway peppers.

Now those may seem like valid reasons, but for most of them, it would make more sense just to get peppers at Kroger, which is the next block over.  Plus, what are the odds that some of those would happen 3 times (cause he said he went twice before).  I mean, a cookie bag full of peppers would not be sufficient to feed a nights worth of clientele at most restaurants, plus this guy was not wearing a restaurant uniform (he was dressed in a patterned black hoodie and baggie jeans while he wore his hair in a side swept emo style).  I am genuinely stumped.  Please let me know if you have any theories!!

Does Duncan on The City Look VAGUELY Familiar?

Whenever Erin's long-distance beau, Duncan, makes an appearance on "The City," I get the feeling that this chap is a chap I've seen before.  Here are some photos of Dunan:

So there he is, a right good looking fellow if I do say so myself.  Anyways, for some reason, all I can think of when I see him is this:

Yeah!  Charles Manson, cult leader responsible for a string of unthinkably cruel murders. 

But then when I thought about it more (I wasted A LOT of my time thinking about this), I thought maybe Duncan looked like this:

The late Chris Mccandless, of whom the book and movie Into The Wild are based upon.  (And PS: you can really see how think Mccandless got in pic numero uno!)

Upon close inspection, Duncan doesn't really RESEMBLE either of these characters.  I mean, MAYBE they could pass as relatives.  But I guess all of this does say one thing: Duncan has an unkempt loony-eyed mountain man look to him, and I kind of like it!

PS: If they ever put up the screencaps from LAST night, I will update this blog!  Duncan wore a toboggan, and it proves my point further.

A Horse With Shoes?! Stop Trippin'!

One day when I was in high school, my friend and I were eating a meal at Lucky 32. I'm fairly sure we ordered the "Lucky Club," because that is what we always ordered. It was delish. Too bad they changed the menu and closed the location most convenient to me...and too bad I also don't eat meat anymore, so I wouldn't be able to ENJOY the LC now anyway...

BACK TO THE ANECDOTE!

So we were eating, and all of a sudden my friend got really wide eyed and goes, "Oh my god! There's a horse with shoes on!"

At the time, we were young, dumb high school kids who had recently been experimenting with "ways to expand our minds." I thought she was having some sort of a flashback, and she was freaking me out. I refused to turn around and look at this mirage she was "seeing." "Stop it," I shushed! "People are going to hear you and think you're crazy!"

"No, I'm serious. There's a horse with shoes on. A tiny horse!" Reluctantly, I turned around. This is what I saw:
(note: this is not the actual horse I saw, nor is it the location in which I saw it)

So yes, there it was: a horse with shoes on!  Of course, it is a seeing eye horse, but I had never seen one before (and come to think of it, never again either). 

The thought of seeing eye ponies brings a few thoughts to mind.

1. Why would people use a seeing eye horse instead of just using a seeing eye dog?
2. Why does the horse wear shoes?  And in the pic above, it looks like the shoes are only covering half of his "feet."
3. Why is the horse so small?
4. Where can I get one?!

It seems to me, these SEHs would be as much of a curse as a blessing.  I'm sure the seeing-impaired owner of the SEH is not able to go anywhere without attracting a crowd along with a load of questions and a bunch of annoying toddlers wanting to pet the pony!   

Here's some info from The Guide Horse Foundation about who makes an ideal candidate for a guide horse:

• Horse lovers - Blind people who have grown up with horses and understand equine behavior and care are ideal candidates.
  
• Allergenic people - Many people who are severely allergic to traditional guide animals and find horses a non-allergenic alternative for mobility.
  
• Mature Individuals - Many people report difficulty dealing with the grief of losing their animals, and  horses tend to live far longer than traditional guides. 
  
• Physically Disabled folks - Because of their docile nature, Guide Horses are easier to handle for individuals with physical disabilities. They are also strong enough to provide support, helping the handler to rise from their chair. 
  
• Dog Phobia - Individuals who fear dogs are often comfortable working with a tiny horse.
  
• Outdoor Animal - Many individuals prefer a guide animal that does not have to live in the house when off duty.

So there you have it!  If you're ever out in public and see one of these cute little horses, do not fear that you've become victim to the long term effects of psychedelic drug experimentation!  It's just a guide horse!

Life's Little Riddles: What is Raleigh's Sister City?

This is a sign that I see quite often.  It's right off Hillsborough St, behind the Brugger's parking lot.  As you can see, it says "Compiegne, France - Raleigh's Sister City." 

Now, I don't know much about Compiegne, France...alright let's be honest, I know NOTHING about it.  But I just don't understand why our sister city would be some place in France.  This makes no sense to me.  Wouldn't raleigh be better suited to be sisters with a place such as Scottsdale or Savannah?  Some place in the US?  And if Compiegne really is our "sister," why did they pick this tiny park behind Planet Smoothie to advertise it?  Many a Raleigh folk could go through their entire lives never knowing about our "kin" overseas.  How sad is that?

Let's see.  According to Wikipedia, Compiegne is in the northern part of France.  In 1999, the population was 41,076.  That is about it.  If you want to find more information on our French relative, go to this site.  And if you have any information on why this is our Sister City, please let me know!

Life's Little Riddles: Is Playing Rock Band Fun?

I have never played the popular video game Rock Band, but I'm well aware that it's a big hit among almost every bracket of the population.  Well, lots of people on Facebook and stuff post pictures of themselves playing said game, and in most of the pictures, the people do not look like they're having fun.  The shots make the game look sedentary and geriatric rather than cutting edge and thrilling.  Point being, pictures of people play Rock Band do not make me want to join in.  Let's take a look:

  I do like that the singer in this group made the effort to stand upright.

  At least this band's singer looks rather passionate.

  This one appears to have been a secret candid.

  Just loafing around!

I don't know.  It MUST be funner than it looks!  I mean, it has to be.  I guess I will have to try it out, and take some photos of myself looking like a zombie vegetable holding two wooden pegs (sticks would have been the more appropriate word, but I enjoy saying pegs).  Now if you'll excuse me, I have a bundle of lollies and fizzy drinks with my name on it!  Ta-ta!

Life's Little Riddles: Who takes a segway tour of Raleigh?

Okay!  I know Raleigh is really growing, and the downtown area is really booming.  I know this.  I am downtown everyday, and I love it.  I think Raleigh is great.  I really do.  But there are some things I don't understand.  One of these things is the segway tours.  Segways are those dopey little two-wheeled contraptions that you stand on and scoot around.  Sometimes the meter-maids and security guards have them.  Also, if you watch VH1, you may have seen Terry "Hulk" Hogan zipping around on his segway on Meet The Hogans.  Personally, I think segways are completely ridiculous.  I think they're meant to be compact little scooters or something, but they're huge and bulky and you look like a douche-bag riding one.  Why not just ride a Rascal Scooter?!  I mean, at least you'd be able to sit down.

So with that said, I will tell you that there is a company that offers guided segway tours of downtown Raleigh.  Yeah.  They scoot around in my way all day long. I will be stopped at a stoplight, and they will whiz through the crosswalk in front of me. So like 20 people on segways will go by, and they are taking longer than the light!  Sometimes when I'm walking downtown, I can't even get across the sidewalk because of all the segways!

Here is a shot of it happening to me today (this lady was, as I like to say, a straggler):

Now the question: who in the world wants to take a segway tour of downtown Raleigh?  Are they tourists?  And just to be clear, I still think tourists in Raleigh are a myth (like pockets).  Are they just people with a day off who want to see the sights?  Are they here on business with a little down time?  I just don't know.  I love Raleigh, but I can't imagine taking a segway tour of it.  I can't help it.  I think segways wack! 

And YES, I know Raleigh's growth is good, but I still hate segways and their tours.  Don't even get me started on the bike taxis!

Check out Triangle Segway's websiteto see all the places they go.  You will also get to view some really silly photos of people on segways.  Actually, please click on it.  The pictures make me laugh really hard. 

Life's Little Riddles: Do I look tough?

Sometimes I go walk/jog (mostly walk) around the lake.  Usually I go with a buddy, but sometimes I go alone.  I know you shouldn't walk around the lake alone because sketch balls are there, but I can't live my life in fear!  Plus, I always try to go on beautiful days when lots of people are likely to be around.  But I recently came up with another way to protect myself from weirdos at the lake. 

I have one of those gray T-shirts that says "ARMY" on the front.  You know, the kind you get in the army.  So whenever I wear it, people are always like, "Are you in the Army?"  And then I have to explain to them that no, I am not in the Army and that I just got the shirt from a friend.  This happens to me a lot more than I would imagine.  I mean, I thought everybody would have acquired an army shirt at some point in their lives.  Apparently I'm wrong, because people find my shirt quite shocking.  One guy was like, "ARE YOU IN THE ARMY?"  "No," I said.  Then he goes, "GOOD BECAUSE YOUR HAIR IS TOO LONG TO BE ENLISTED."  Then he asked me to go to PB's for Penny Beer Night.  I declined, but that is besides the point.

So I figured that if all these people were thinking that I was in the Army just because I was wearing that T-shirt, then people at the lake would think so too...even if I am only power-walking.  So I wear the shirt at the lake.  This way creepy attackers will think I'm tough and know how to fight.  I would assume that they wouldn't go after somebody who has been trained to kill.  I think it's a good idea.  Do I look intimidating in the shirt?

   

I know I look like a deranged person here, but try and look past the pose/crazy look in my eye.  I was trying to do a John Mayer look alike contest.  Shockingly, I didn't win.

Life's Little Riddles: Why am I jonesin' fo cheese?!?!

I love cheese.  It makes any food better- except cereal or ice cream or pancakes...well, maybe it is not great on everything...  EVEN SO, I love it.  I like all kinds of cheese.  My top favorites would be muenster, swiss, havarti, mozzarella, blue, and feta.  I've always felt that my life wouldn't really be complete without cheese.  I want it!  I crave it!

I've finally found out why I can't get enough of this delightful dairy product!  There IS an actual explanation for why I can't kick the queso!!! 

CHEESE CONTAINS TRACES OF MORPHINE!!!  It turns out that cows produce morphine in their liver, and this gets into the CHEESE!  I'm sure you can look elsewhere and find a more scientific explanation, but I think I've nailed the main point.

It makes sense.  I mean, cheese doesn't really taste like much of anything.  I've often wondered why I've developed such strong feelings for the cheddar!  It's because I really am an addict!  If tiny traces of morphine make me like cheese this much, I better stay away from the opiates!  Imagine how much I'd like herion! 

REALLY THOUGH, DRUGS ARE BAD.  DON'T DO OPIATES! 

I think cheese is safe enough though.  Just don't get all strung out or go on day long cheese sprees! 

So yeah, cheese is addictive and contains morphine.  Who knew eating cheese was so edgy?!

Spotted/Life's Little Riddles: Anti Monkey Butt Powder Signage

I was driving in Wake Forest, and an interesting sign caught my eye.  It was a digital sign at a pharmacy, and it said "Anti Monkey Butt Powder."  I had no idea what this was.  I thought maybe some kids got a hold of the sign controls and just wrote some dumb junk up there for a joke.  Then I thought maybe it was some kind of new age holistic pharmacy with witchcraft or vodoo medicine.  Either way, I thought it was pretty hilarious and weird, so I took a picture.

I Googled the phrase when I got home, and it turns out Anti Monkey Butt Powder is an actual product.  I guess monkey butt is a nice way of saying nasty, sweaty ass.   According to the AMBP website, their product is:

"Ideal for butt busting activities such as truck driving, motorcycling,                           bicycling, horse back riding, and extreme sports. May   also be applied inside footwear, under sports pads,      and other areas prone to chafing. Indoors or outdoors,    work or play, or on occasions when you sit on your butt all day, don’t let your buns get red, use Anti Monkey Butt Powder instead!"

They even have a commercial on the website with a trucker complaining about his monkey butt.  Check it out here!

Now, why is it called Monkey Butt?  Do monkeys experience a lot of chafing?  Are they really sweaty?  Do monkeys participate in a lot of truck driving or extreme sports?  I know some monkeys are in films, but acting isn't one of the "butt busting activities" listed.  Or perhaps they just referring to that breed of monkey with the red butt, that resembles a big ole chapped rear? 

Another point of confusion:  I sit on my butt a lot (I drive a lot of long distances for work), and I never experience chafing or redness from just sitting motionless.  How does your butt chafe like that?  I thought it had to be rubbing against something to chafe.  Do they mean that the actual butt cheeks are sticking together in the crack?  That is definitely a problem I have never heard of.  It's sick!  If this is something that happens to people, I feel for them.  It would feel like their crack was full of glue or something.  Maybe this happens to men?  I can't imagine a problem of this nature so severe that you would need to sprinkle powder in your drawers for prevention.  That seems like a big mess.  I don't know...

Maybe I'm missing something.  Anyways, if YOU have this dilemma, I've just solved your problem.  You're welcome!

XOXO~Cliff Pant-one

Life's Little Riddles:New 90210 & 8th Graders With Tattoos

I caught the first ever episode of the new 90210.  I must say, it was pretty good.  I don't really see it living up to Gossip Girl (by the way, I'm dying for Chuck and Blair to get together), but I will definitely be setting my DVR to record each week during the allotted time slot.

Anyways, my beef with 90210 is this:

Naomi is one of the most popular girls in high school.  She is having her "not so sweet 16" in the first episode.  Thus making her 15 at the start of the 2 hour screening.  Later on in the show, Naomi bends over and subsequently reveals a small tattoo on her lower back.

I thought, Geezzz, a tattoo at 16 is kinda bizarre, but HEY they're in the 90210!  People are nuts out there!  Her parents probably got it for her on her 16th birthday.  That is what I thought.  I mean, her mom on the show was kind of a crazy lady and there are parents who try to be all hip and get their kids bellybutton rings on their 16th.  Stupid, but whatever!  I accepted it, and I moved on.

But later on in the show, Silver (the edgy blogger) bends over and has the same exact tattoo as Naomi  When asked about the ink, Silver discloses that the tattoo is the Chinese symbol for friendship.  Apparently, she and Naomi used to be best friends until Naomi betrayed her in the 8th grade. 

Now unless I am missing something, I would assume that they got the tattoos before the friendship was severed...which was in 8th grade.  I was waiting for some kind of explaination as to how the girls got tattoos at 12 or 13 years old, but I my ears never recieved their answer! 

Why do these teenage melodramas have these kids doing completely rediculas things.  I'd just finally accepted that the tweens on Gossip Girl go to bars and order Cosmos in their school uniforms.  Now I'm being forced to believe that somebody agreed to permanently etch tramp stamps on two middle schoolers.  GESH! 

I guess I'll move on.  I'm not going to loose any sleep at night over this.  I just wanted to put it out there and see if anybody else found that odd.  I mean, who knows what kind of awful tat I would have picked out in the 8th grade- probably a peace sign or a mushroom....or a fairy (actually, it probably WOULD have been a fairy).  OH WOW!  Anyways, I'm done.

PS I really do not watch that much TV.  I'm just excited about the new Fall line up! 

Life's Little Riddles: Queen Helene's Cocoa Butter Lotion

I have some "Queen Helene Cocoa Butter Hand and Body Lotion."  According to the bottle it "soothes and softens  hands, face and body."  I agree.  It works pretty well.  It also smells nice. Oh, and it also costs like $2 or something for a giant bottle.

(PS- Reading the posts, I've noticed a theme of me buying things simply because they are cheap...whatever!  Who doesn't love a good bargain?!)

Anyways, my question regarding this lotion does not lie within the contents of the bottle.  It actually focuses ON the bottle.

Why does the bottle have grenades on it?! The two grenades rest gently on a bed of leaves.  So serene. 

OK, I know that they are not actually grenades, but they might as well be.  The lumps of whatever are DEAD RINGERS for grenades.  I mean, I'm sure they are supposed to be some sort of coconut or coconut seed or cocoa plant or something.  I don't know, but it sure doesn't look like any coconut I've ever seen.  I'm just confused. 

If this is a dumb question, don't judge me.  I've not spent a great deal of time researching things that have to do with cocoa butter.  Maybe cocoa butter isn't like coconuts.  I don't know!  All I know is that I like Queen Helene's lotion and the big tacky picture on the bottle.  I just don't know what the picture is.