Cliff Pant-one

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They've made a Snuggie for dogs!

Okay, now I've seen it all!  They've made SNUGGIES for DOGS!!!  You have GOT to go to this website and check out the video.  These dogs are a great- verging on Oscar worthy.  They actually seem to like wearing their Sunggies.

I ALMOST want to buy one of these.  It would be great to put one on Tyra.  I wonder what it would look like belted and a little jazzed up?  I think she's love it.  Of course, then I'd have to chase her around with the camera, and she does NOT like being photographed.  Such is life!

Anyways, if any of you decides to purchase a Snuggie for your pooch, you must tell me how it is.  And I'll give some advice: shell out the extra dinero for the EXTRA luxurious fleece material.  It's worth it.

So hopefully the Snuggie for felines will be out soon.  It doesn't seem fair to let the cats miss out on all the really good things in life.

Life's Little Riddles: Why does the Kushyfoot girl have such big knockers?

I was in line at the pharmacy last night, picking up my eye drops (since a bug assaulted my eye, and BRUISED it, and gave me PINK EYE), and I noticed these little socks called Kushyfoot.  I guess they are padded socks or something, and they're supposed to be really comfortable.  They're for women, so of course they made some "cute" cartoon girl on the package.  Maybe it's supposed to make the product seem trendy or relateable.  Or it's supposed to make it seem like these padded socks aren't just for old grannies!  They're for pert little blondes with ENORMOUS fake fun-bags!!!

Yeah.  That's where I have a problem.  This girl, who I'll dub The Kushyfoot Girl, has the most giant boobs ever.  Her proportions are farther out of wack than Barbie's (before she got her new, more realistic body)!  All I could do was stare at The Kushyfoot Girl's chest.  Then I felt like a perv.  Then I started taking photos of her with my phone, and felt even more creepy.  (For the record, I don't think anybody noticed.)

Here are the pics:

 

 

 

You will have to excuse the poor photo quality- the Helio isn't what it used to be.  Anyhow, you will have to trust me when I say that her tatas looked even bigger in real life.  And in the third picture, it looks like her boobs are being cuffed underneath by some weird seam in her blouse.  Oh me.  Kushyfoot Girl doesn't even look that modern.  She looks kind of retro, but she does appear to have used "THE BUMP HAIRPIECE".  Maybe they made her look old fashion on purpose so their marketing plan wouldn't exclude senior citizens.  She's young, but she's old- it kind of targets EVERY market.  Hey, it even targets men who like large bosoms.  Maybe the Kushyfoot marketing team is onto something. 

Either way, I think her boobs are ridiculously large, and I think it's weird that they would make them so oversized.  Maybe Kushyfoot Girl should try out for Rock of Love 4, because I don't really see Bret and Taya lasting that long.

Snuggie: Warm AND Stylin'

 Knowing exactly what I wanted, My step-mother (who will be referred to as SM from now on) ordered me a Snuggie for Christmas. I just got it today!  Apparently Snuggies are are in very high demand, because it was six weeks back-ordered!  My SM had received a card in the mail (the day before Christmas Eve), notifying her of the delay with the order.  Along with the note, the Snuggie people thoughtfully included a link to an online photo of the Snuggie that people could print out and wrap up so that the recipients of the late Snuggie would have something to open on Christmas morning.  I found that highly amusing.  Sadly, my SM opted not to print out the photo, but I decided not to hold that against her. 

Now I can rest easy, because I have my Snuggie.  Despite the economic hard times, my SM shelled out the extra dinero for the Snuggie with the extra luxurious fleece fabric and handy pockets.  It is delightful.  I'm very warm, and my arms never have to leave the comfort of the blanket!

If I was forced to single out one point that could lead to the Snugggies demise, it would be this: it's not very stylish or flattering.  In fact, it's ridiculous looking (as you can all tell from the above pictures).  So being up for a challenge, I attempted to glamorize my Snuggie.

As you can see, I gave it a valiant effort:

 

I've belted the waist and draped the fabric into a cowl neck.  Of course I also popped in my faux diamond studs and added a lil' lip gloss and rouge.  And from the back:

 

I've formed the luxurious fleece into a low open back!  And you can't see a lot of it, but there is a sexy slit up the back!  In my opinion, this isn't that far a stretch from some of the frocks celebs wear to award shows.  AND if you really want to know what I think, I'd say the tremendous coverage leaves more to the imagination.  Final point: if I'd been fortunate enough to have been invited to an inauguration ball, I'd be donning this.

Tyra's Electroshock Therapy!

Because it has been so cold, I got Tyra a new hoodie.  (By the way, I got it from a new locally owned store called Unleashed in the Lake Boone Shopping Center--- go there.)  So, I took her to the post office with me, and as soon as she got in the car, static electricity took over and every hair on her body stood up.  It was adorable.  I tried getting a picture, but Tyra hates the camera.  The only way I could get a decent shot was to get outside of the car and pretend like I was about to let her out (which I eventually did).  See for yourself:

This is absolutely what Sara Goldfarb would look like if she were a Shih Tzu.

I love my dog.

The cutest thing I've seen all year!

Yes, I'm one of those sick people who thinks it's adorable to put dogs in clothes.  Hey!  At least I'm upfront about it! Anyways, I saw these pictures on www.puppyangel.com .  It's a wholesale dog apparel website.  Even if you're not a retailer looking for merch, it's worth going to that site just to look at  the cutest pictures ever in the whole world.  Yes, that is a bold statement, but I'm confident I can back it up. 

Have a gander:

 

 

I'm fully willing to admit that, after seeing these photos, I'm planning to grow Tyra's ears out so that I can braid them.  I can hardly stand it, it's so cute!  Okay.  Go to the aforementioned site for more shots! 

Spotted: Pervy Guy on I-40

My sister and I were driving home from South Point Mall on I-40.  Coasting along next to us was a black Chevrolet Aveo with FL tags.  Inside was a normal looking man.  He was probably in his late 20s with a slim build and black gelled hair.  He was wearing sleek sunglasses and a slippery looking black zip up jacket.  He kind of reminded me of Neo in The Matrix.

So we were just driving away, minding our own business, when something caught KT's eye.  "What is that guy doing?" She asked.  "Are those thongs?"

I turned to look, and she was right.  The man had a handful of multicolored G-strings in his fist.  He was driving with his wrists, and shifting through the panties.  It appeared that he was counting them. 

"Well, that's weird," I said.

"Yeah." 

We drove on some more. 

"OHMIGOD, Mary!"  KT shouted.  "NOW HE HAS A DILDO!"

I looked over, and sure enough, the man was holding an average sized Caucasian rubber schlong. Before I could shake off my shock, the guy flings the white peen onto the passenger seat and grabs a VERY large African American model; this one was complete with balls. 

At this point we were driving erratically (no longer minding our own business) trying to see what this guy was going to do next.  Well we were in for a treat, because next he stuck the giant black d*ck in his MOUTH!  Yes in the pie-hole the member went. 

We were in shock!  What in the world?!  This average looking guy was just driving down 40 sticking man-made genitalia in his mouth.  Now I've seen it all!  I really don't know how I see so many weird things all the time.  I'm a magnet for weirdos.

So then we regained our composure, and the man exited on Harrison Ave.  Maybe he was making a  porno at The Umstead Hotel?  Or maybe he was just making a pit stop at the ChickFila.  I have no idea. 

XOXO Cliff Pant-one

Beyonce's January 09 Elle Covers = Sahsa Narsty

I don't have a loto of time, but I wanted to get this out there ASAP.  I feel it's that important.  Beyonce is Elle's January cover girl.  Being creative genuises, they decided to come out with TWO covers for her.  One is for newstands, and one is for subscribers.  Let's take a look:

 

This is the one on newstands.  It doesn't really look like Beyonce to me.  But whatever.  It's not that bad.  It's just like any other Elle cover, and her rack does look great.  So here is the one that they sent to subscribers, people who already pay for the magazine and don't get to choose not to buy a certain issue based on the cover.  Essentially, people who are going to be stuck with the magazine regardless.

 

Holy, mother of pearl!  It looks like she having a hernia!  No. No. No.  This is not fierce, B!  I would love to hear some thoughts on this cover from Miss J and Tyra B.  I just have no words.  Now you see why THIS one didn't make the checkout aisle. 

PS Am I the only one out there who CAN'T STAND her new song?!

Can somebody please buy me The Snuggie for Christmas?!

This commercial makes me laugh really hard, and I seriously want this for Christmas.  PLEASE watch.

Life's Little Riddles: Do I look tough?

Sometimes I go walk/jog (mostly walk) around the lake.  Usually I go with a buddy, but sometimes I go alone.  I know you shouldn't walk around the lake alone because sketch balls are there, but I can't live my life in fear!  Plus, I always try to go on beautiful days when lots of people are likely to be around.  But I recently came up with another way to protect myself from weirdos at the lake. 

I have one of those gray T-shirts that says "ARMY" on the front.  You know, the kind you get in the army.  So whenever I wear it, people are always like, "Are you in the Army?"  And then I have to explain to them that no, I am not in the Army and that I just got the shirt from a friend.  This happens to me a lot more than I would imagine.  I mean, I thought everybody would have acquired an army shirt at some point in their lives.  Apparently I'm wrong, because people find my shirt quite shocking.  One guy was like, "ARE YOU IN THE ARMY?"  "No," I said.  Then he goes, "GOOD BECAUSE YOUR HAIR IS TOO LONG TO BE ENLISTED."  Then he asked me to go to PB's for Penny Beer Night.  I declined, but that is besides the point.

So I figured that if all these people were thinking that I was in the Army just because I was wearing that T-shirt, then people at the lake would think so too...even if I am only power-walking.  So I wear the shirt at the lake.  This way creepy attackers will think I'm tough and know how to fight.  I would assume that they wouldn't go after somebody who has been trained to kill.  I think it's a good idea.  Do I look intimidating in the shirt?

   

I know I look like a deranged person here, but try and look past the pose/crazy look in my eye.  I was trying to do a John Mayer look alike contest.  Shockingly, I didn't win.

Spotted: Not So Uplifting Greeting Cards at Hallmark

 

The photo above was taken at the Hallmark store in Crabtree Mall. 

Can you imagine a more depressing group of cards all lumped together?   "Miscarriage," "Divorce," and "Recovery Support" are sad enough.  Then they go and add "Menopause" and "Weight Loss Encouragement!" Well, those two are actually kind of funny to me.  I'm sure that going through menopause is probably sucky and depressing, and I KNOW that giving up cakes, pies and pizzas for the sake of a smaller pant size can makes life seem lackluster and meaningless.  BUT I don't think I'd want a greeting card reminding me of all that.  In fact, I really don't think I'd want a card for a divorce either.  Or a miscarriage!  It's just funny to me that they have cards for all this stuff, and strangely, it looks like most of them have been bought up.  Maybe people purchased them as jokes? Like a bunch of college kids sending out the recovery ones.  Or maybe some girls who drunk eat a lot send out the weight loss encouragement?  I don't know.  Do you buy cards of the "unique needs" nature?  Send me one!

XOXO~ Cliff Pant-one

Strange Ebay: Penis Potato

Whist looking on Ebay, I found this:

  

Obviously, it is a potato shaped like a penis.  If you think about it, that IS kind of amazing.  I mean, it really does look like a wang!  It's about four inches long.   The ole guy is priced at $10, and there are only 46 minutes left to bid!  According to the post, it was grown in Indiana. 

The seller seems to be a real gas.  Listen to what he/she said: "Add this fingerling dingaling to your collection or eat as is!" 

AHAHAHA, what a riot?!  Want to buy this starchy dick?  Click here!

 

Buy My Shiz, Y'all: Cheap Guess Bags

You know you love Guess bags!  And you know you want one that was personally used by Cliff Pant-one!  These purses are really cute and in great condition.  Puhlease buy them!!!  You'll be the talk of the town, stylin' and profilin' and toting all your lil goodies around! 

 

Click here to bid on this gem of a bag for only $13!!!

 

And hit this link for this little number.  The bidding starts at $15!

Spotted: Butt Pad at American Way

I went to American Way Thrift Store with my sister this weekend.  We were moseying through the aisles just hunting for some bargains when something caught my eye. 

A curvy little Hispanic woman was standing in front of me.  She was wearing ill-fitting denim capris.  They were too tight yet drooping in the back, so her underwear was sticking out of the top.  And when I say they they were sticking out of the top, I'm talking like half of her ass- not just the elastic band or something. 

This is not unusual, I thought. Lots of people wear unflattering pants with there underwear sticking out.

Then as I got closer, I noticed something odd about the underpants.  It looked like a cushion was stuck to the seat.  Ohmigosh, I thought.  It's a BUTT PAD!

I always see ads for padded underwear in the back of US Weekly and Star Magazine, but I never actually thought there were people who buy them.  I mean, what if you were having a moment with your boyfriend and he reached down and felt a pillow in your pants!?!  How embarrassing?!  Personally, I think being caught with a padded ass would be a ton more mortifying than having somebody call you out for wearing a padded bra.  It's totally different!

So yes, I saw a butt pad.  All along I thought they were only rumors or myths...like pockets.  (<--haha, funny little inside joke).  Really though, I didn't know people actually bought those.  Maybe the lady's pants would have fit a little better if she had skipped the underwear fluff...just an idea.

Oh, and apparently they make drawers of this nature for the men too.  From this photo, it appears that they can have the front AND the back enhanced by the cushion!  Geez!!!  Talk about embarassing.  If my boyfriend wore boxers with a padded ass and crotch, THAT would be a deal breaker!

You know you love me,

XOXO~Cliff Pant-one

Misty Water Colored Memories: The Confectionery at Belk

It seems that I'm feeling quite nostalgic as of late...

Long ago, The Hudson Belk at Crabtree Valley Mall had two restaurants.  Number one was the Belk Cafeteria, which sadly just closed a few years ago.  That place was good.  I love going to cafeterias and getting cake and cottage cheese.  Don't worry, I eat them separately!  One time I went to the Belk Cafeteria with my sister Katie, and we told them it was my birthday.  It wasn't really my birthday, but it HAD been my birthday a few weeks prior.  They didn't give me a slice of desert or some done up sundae like some restaurants; they gave me an ENTIRE cake!  And it was GOOD CAKE!  AND I KNOW CAKE!  Cake is my favorite food.  Anyways, I've digressed from the main point I was trying to make.

What I wanted to mention was the second restaurant, which was The Confectionery.  The Confectionery closed some years before the cafeteria.  It was a little sandwich shop/desertery.  My mom LOVED to shop, and we would go to the mall just about every day.  Pretty much anytime we were at Crabtree during a meal time, we'd eat at The Confectionery.  We would always get club sandwiches and broccoli and cheese soup!  They served the food on plain white plates and gave you Ruffles as a side.  I'm pretty sure they had a black and white checkered tile floor.  The place was a little cramped, but that was part of it's charm.

I really miss that place.  Crabtree doesn't have a cute little cafe anywhere in the mall now.  You either have to eat fast food at the food court or a chicken pot pie the size of your head at Cheesecake Factory.  Of course there are other restaurants, but no sit down places that you can just swing in and out of.  I guess Panera is Crabtree's 2008 version of The Confectionery.  I do love Panera Bread, but I miss The Confectionery.

I just thought I'd bring it up to see if any of you ole' Raleigh folks remember what I'm talking about.

Drew Barrymore in CoverGirl TruBlend Commercial

Drew Barrymore is in the commercial for CoverGirl's TruBlend.  Every time I watch it, I get the feeling that Drew might've hit the Mystic one too many times before the filming.  Last night, the ad came on when I was watching TV with Jen and Kitty.  Wondering if I was alone in my opinions, I asked them if they thought something looked not quite right with Drew. 

"OHMIGOSH, YESSSSSSS!"  Jen shouted.  Turns out that she has always thought her skin looks weird too.  I'm not alone in this.  Although, not everyone agrees. Katie thinks it is just my TV.  I beg to differ.

Besides looking over-bronzed, Drew's skin looks totally blotchy!  What were the commercial people thinking?  Did they look at her face when they were editing the film?  I mean, it's a commercial for foundation, so the skin is the number one most important thing in the advertisement!  I can't believe they let this go on air!   Her hair and her face are virtually the same color! And her lips too! Don't even get me started on the pucker!  You can hardly tell where her mouth begins or ends.  She is one big monochromatic mug!

Maybe I'm over-dramatic.  It just irritates me that her skin looks so crazy in an advertisement for foundation- a foundation celebrated for it's blending powers, no less! Did something go wrong during the shoot, and they had no time to fix it?!  Did Drew fall victim to an inexperienced airbrusher?  What in the world?!

You be the judge, and let me know what you think!:

Halloween Costumes for Dogs

Being that I'm obsessed with Halloween costumes, I stumbled upon some get-ups for dogs.  These are so funny, but it's also kind of sad- the dogs look suicidal.  I am guilty of dressing Tyra up, but I take her out of the outfit if it's obvious that she's miserable in it.  I mean, she has a few dresses/hoodies that she really loves- really! 

So without further delay:

 

This dog might actually like the Yoda costume. 

   

This makes me laugh really hard! 

 

This one does NOT look thrilled!

 

This poor dog is supposed to be Kenny from South Park!

 

This dog looks better in her Wonder Woman costume than I do! Check out those stems!

 

This is a Hippie.  I just thought it was weird.

And here is a crazy looking dog nurse!

After compiling that, I have decided that Tyra will not be dressing up for Halloween.  Maybe I will get her a hoodie with a pumpkin on it or something.  She REALLY does love those, especially right after a  haircut!

Cringer Halloween Costumes Part Two

The "Sexual Innuendo" category has been covered.  Now we will move to the "Just Plain Absurd/Genius" group.  These costumes are funnier than the sexual ones, because they make no sense whatsoever.  Here we go:

 

This is Mr. Potato head.  I think it's a riot.  If I saw a guy wearing this at a party, I'd ask him to marry me.  It wouldn't even matter that I couldn't tell what he looked like.  The costume is THAT good.

 

Clearly, this is a gingerbread man costume.  I like how you can see the lady's glems coyly peeping through the mouth hole.  I'm considering forgetting my "Wonder Mary" outfit and sporting this instead.

 

I'm not sure why anybody would want to be a barrel of monkeys for Halloween.  This one is totally random.  Maybe they have monkey butt?

 

Okay!  I'm a total idiot.  At first, I thought this was a peace sign.  YEAH, I KNOW IT'S NOT!  Then I thought it was an I LOVE YOU sign!  WRONG AGAIN!  HOW DID I MISS THE OBVIOUS?!!?  It's THE SHOCKER- ONE OF MY FAVORITE HAND GESTURES!  Yeah, and this should probably go under the douchebag category, but it's already here.  I can't believe the make a costume of this.

 

This costume embodies my worst nightmare: being attacked by fowl!!!!!  Okay to be honest, my worst nightmare would balloons glued all over me, but this is a close second.

 

I actually kind of like this costume.  It's kind of cute.  It's just a little random though, and it kind of looks like she's wearing a headboard.

 

Yes, a toilet is a bizarre costume- mostly though, I want to point out this guy's great modeling job!  He's got raw talent!  Way to make a shitter look good!!!  Matter of fact, I think I have a new dream job: costume modeler!  I want to try all these on and look like a goof while getting my picture taken.  If anybody is hiring, let me know.

Cringer Halloween Costumes

I love dressing up for Halloween!  I've been scouring the internets for costumes, and it looks like I've stumbled upon a website that sells the most ridiculous assortment of outfits I've ever seen.   Costume Supercenter's website is like crack!  I couldn't stop looking.  I had to keep scrolling through until I'd seen every terrible costume there was!  I've picked some of my favorites to feature (and there are a lot- although, there were A TON more that I want to show, but that would take all day).  I've separated the costumes into two categories: "Sexual Innuendos" and "Just Plain Absurd/Genius."  Here we go...

"Sexual Innuendos"- These are pretty much costumes reserved for total douchebags.

This one is called "The Snake Charmer."  Awesome...  I'm kind of speechless.

This one is "Muff Diver."  Yes!   They went there!!!  They even have a picture of a CLAM on the scuba suit.  Now, that is genius!  I really wish I could read the line under the clam.  All I can make out is "Experience..." 

Here we have "Heart On Adult Costume."  It's a naked guy wearing a heart that says, "I've got a heart on!"  This is so bad that it's good.  The type of guy who'd wear this is one of those who thinks he's amazing, but all the girls are just laughing AT him...not WITH him. 

This tissue box exclaims "Blow Me."   I like how the tissue hat makes the guy look like The Flying Nun!

This might be my favorite.  It's titled "Country Lovin."  I've always been a fan of the inflatable ewe, so any costume that incorporates one is alright in my book.  I love how the ewe is wearing fishnet stocking on her back legs.  Hmmm.  Although amusing, this one is slightly disturbing.  Plus the model appears to weigh like 98 pounds.

I have SO many more, but I don't have time to post them all now.  CHECK BACK FOR UPDATES!

Cliff's Favorite Things (Just like Oprah's, but you buy it yourself): Myrtle Beach Airbrush T-shirts

I went to Myrtle Beach over Labor Day weekend with my girlfriends for, what we like to call, "Prossy Time"-  feel free to interpret that as you like.  Durring PT, we drink and eat a lot and pretty much act like a bunch of asshats (sorry, but I've recently discovered this term, and quite frankly, I'm pretty addicted to saying it).   

Myrtle Beach is notorious for crustashes and obnoxious airbrushed T-shirts.  We really wanted to get into the Myrtle Beach mindset, so since we are girls and can't grow sparse patches of hair above our upper lips, we decided to go with the airbrushed T option.  And to be honest, Sarah deserves full credit for this idea.  She is genius. 

We did a lot of debating over what would go on the shirt, but finally we came to a conclusion.  The shirts would creatively read, "Prossy Time 2008."  We also wanted to incorporate rasins into the shirt somehow, since we'd been saying, "you don't need a ra'sin to love a rasin" all weekend. 

When inquiring where we could obtain some airbrushed treasures, a local told us there was a guy who did them at a kiosk at the Tanger Outlets on 17.  So we headed over there.  Then we began to hunt for the alleged guy through the maze of stores. Finally, we caught sight of some splotches of neon paint in the distance.  We'd found it.

We checked out some samples and realized that this guy was pretty good!  We saw some shirts that had a group of girls sitting on a beach.  We asked if he could do that with six girls.  He said that six wouldn't fit.  Then I asked, "What about six raisins???"  He didn't even act like it was a strange request.  Although, I'm sure he gets people asking for weird junk on shirts all the time down there.  I mean, I'd just walked past a couple wearing matching shirts that featured a pair of airbrushed hugging bears.

So anyways, he said he could do it.  I didn't expect the shirts to come out nearly as amazingly as they did.  I thought he would just put some brown circles with arms and legs on the shirts, but he put them infront of the ocean just like the one with the girls on the beach.  It was better than my wildest Myrtle Beach Dreams!  PERFECT!  See for yourself (click to enlarge):


In all seriousness, this guy is an amazing artist!  The details were impeciable.  You should see all the other stuff he had on display! He works for ADT Designs.  Visit there website here!  I guess the company does all sorts of murals, but the one man also works at the booth at the Tanger Outlets.  His name is Abe Baruchi, and here is a photo of him:

Please visit their website and contact him if you are need of an airbrushed item or mural.

Eric Klarenbeek's Eye Jewelry

Dutch designer Eric Klarenbeek has come out with a line of 'Eye Jewelry.'  His line consists of charms that dangle from contact lenses.  In my opinion, having something hanging from my eye would be more than a little distracting.  Plus, what if your friend (unaware or your new eye jewels) came to talk to you, thought you had something hanging from your eye, and grabbed on it to pull it out?  Or what if it got snagged on something?  Or what if it gave you weird tan lines on your face? 

I think it's a cool idea, but not too practical.  I'm glad I have perfect vision.  Visit Klarenbeek's website.

I think I have a problem...

I just bought these.  I have no idea what to wear them with.  You can't go running in them...they are a "casual" shoe.  I don't even wear sneakers much.  I just really liked the polkadots.  So yeah.  I'm admitting it.  I have a shopping addiction.  I buy stuff I don't need- stuff that I don't even REMOTELY need...almost everyday. 

But I'm glad I got the shoes.  I think they're cute.  I don't care if I never even wear them.  I'm happy just to look at them.  Maybe I'll put them on display.