Cliff Pant-one

Daisy of Love: Out like sauerkraut!

Here's a bit of the recap I did for Raleigh's Examiner page:

The crazy thing about Daisy of Love: all of the contestants are actually starting to make 12 Pack (Opps! I mean Dave…) look good. Unlike Fox, he can form sentences without the phrase “knowing the fact that.” He doesn’t suffer from rage blackouts like Big Rig and Flex seem to. And on top of all that, he clearly weighs more than Daisy, which is more than can be said for Sinister or Chi Chi. Daisy and 12 Pack seem like they could be a match made in heaven, especially in spin-off heaven! It only took dressing up in “size zero female leopard skins” and sucking face with Daisy on the couch of a lingerie shop for 12 Pack to realize the depth of their bond. It was magical.

Read the full article here!

Am I Cute of Crazy?

A while ago on Tough Love, Steve had the girls participate in a game called CUTE OR CRAZY?  In this game, a random quirk or idiosyncrasy about each girl was announced to all male audience.  Then the guys would determine whether their quirk was "cute" or "crazy."  For example: one of the girls had unicorn tapestries all over her apartment.  Another woman always wore an engagement ring that she'd proposed to herself with.  It was all very chauvinistic, but that's besides the point.

All of this got me thinking, because I do do some pretty weird things.  I mean, I don't propose to myself or anything, but I do have my fair share of eccentricities.  Like, I think it's hilarious to buy tacky needle-points and porcelain figurines at thrift store and then decorate my house with them.  I mean, it's pretty much a joke, but some people don't "get it."  I mean, when I have a guest over for the first time, will they understand that my wooden plaque with mother/daughter unicorns drinking serenely from a babbling brook is just for kicks?  Will they get the ironic, it's hip to be square kind of thing?

Another thing that causes me even more concern is my snowglobe collection.  I've been collecting them since I was in high school, and I'm completely obsessed with them.  Since it's been almost 10 years since I began assembling my assortment, the number of domes I've gathered has really grown.  I mean, I buy snowglobes when I go out of town AND people buy them for me.  I have A LOT.  And they're proudly displayed in my room, right next to my bed.  In other words, they're not a joke like the needle-points.

I always loved my snowglobes.  I'd dust them often and wrap them individually whenever I moved.  But one day, I had a new visitor.  This visitor looked at my beloved collection and said, "ARE THOSE SNOWGLOBES?!"  I said, "YES."  I mean, what did he think they were?  Big earrings?  Then he started laughing really hard.  I was just thinking he was drunk or something, but later he told me that it reminded him of Christine Taylor's character in Dodge Ball and how she had a massive collection of unicorns in her house.  And how in the movie when a guy who was interested in her came over, he was all freaked out by her unis. 

So ever since then, I've been self-conscious of my snowglobe collection.  For a size reference: it takes up about two shelves on my bookshelf.  I didn't even buy any snowglobes when I went to Europe this year, because this has really been weighing on my mind.  It was kind of sad, but maybe it's just something I need to grow out of. I kind of think I should just be true to myself and keep on with the snowglobes.  I mean, how are snowglobes any different from magnet collections or cookie jar collections? Maybe this guy was simply intimidated?  But who knows, maybe it IS CRAZY and not cute? 

Whatever, I'm keeping them.

(PS That is an actual picture of part of my collection)

I'm Examining Reality TV!

 

Hey!  Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm writing for Examiner.com.  I'm Raleigh's Reality TV Examiner!  Pretty perfect, right?  Sooo, click here to check out my page!  I'm JUST starting, but keep checking back for updates.  Or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!!! I'll be covering a lot of MTV, VH1, Bravo, E!, Oxygen and duh- So You Think You Can Dance.

New York Goes to Work's "Big Fat Hairy Man" is NOT NUDE

Each week on New York Goes to Work, Tiffany Pollard (aka Flavor of Love's New York) gets placed at a new undesirable job.  For instance, one week she worked as an exterminator.  If she completes the job to the approval of the boss, she receives $10,000 (which I think is way too much for ONE day of work...they should have probably just kept that number to themselves, with the economic crisis we're in and all.  But hey, maybe New York can single-handedly save the economy by buying lots of vodka and ranch dressing...).  ANYWAYS, the show is kind of good, because New York is hilarious.  Although, this show is kind of like a copy of The Simple Life, which is WAY better (dare I say, THE BEST SHOW EVER?!). 

But back on track: This week, New York was set to work at a nudest colony.  Of course, she was freaking out about all the loose dong and boobs, because as it commonly seems: most people at nudest colonies are either senior citizens or large. 

So there was one man there that New York deemed "Big Fat Hairy Man."  This guy was really flamboyant and annoying.  He kept asking her to find "the floaties" for him, which I can only assume (and hope) were some sort of pool toys. 

The main issue with BFHM?  He was not nude!  Now some of the people there were wearing vests or open Hawaiian shirts (don't ask me why), but this guy was obviously wearing some sort of speedo or loin cloth.  That's fine!  I mean, only expose what you're comfortable with!  But New York repeatedly freaked out over his junk.  Take a look here:
As you can see, I've circled BFHM's apparel in Microsoft Paint.  I refuse to believe these pieces of cloth are some sort of hip guard crotchless manties that let his peen fly free.  I just don't buy it.  SO this leads me to wonder: is this guy an actor?!  I've often wondered this about New York's shows.  Especially in New York Goes to Hollywood when she had to do that Japanese commercial where she said "BECAUSE LIFE TAKES CHOPS" and the director was a complete lunatic who was throwing stuff all over the place and acting like a demon who was 3 seconds away from murdering everybody.

So even though I feel betrayed by the producers at New York Goes to Work, I was not that worried.  But I was worried when I saw this on BFHM:
I don't know what in the world that is hanging out under his gut.  On the TV it looked like a towel, but now it looks like a giant donut.   Maybe it is one of "the floaties?"  What do YOU think?!

Daisy of Love: Cliff's Picks

Daisy of Love premiered last night, and it was everything I thought it would be: colorful and unsavory characters fueling up on Jack Daniels and testosterone.  I have to admit, I was a little sad when the triplets got eliminated, but I can understand Daisy's reasoning.  It's gotta be hard to date 3 guys at once, especially when you can't understand what they're saying and all they want to do is eat uncooked hot dogs dipped in salsa.

With that said, I'd like to call out my "picks" for Daisy.  I'm basing my decision solely on looks, because we haven't had MUCH else to judge these guys on yet.  I made a nice little illustration in Microsoft Paint to depict my selections:

 

All of my picks look kind of the same...

I think Big Rig is the hottest, and he sounds kind of country, so that's cute.  Professor is only 22, and Daisy is 27 (I think), so that might be something to consider.  London looks like Jared Leto, but he passed out in the closet on the first episode.  Flex is alright.  12 Pack is a tool, but for some reason, I think he's pretty hot.  And also for some reason, I kind of think he and Daisy wouldn't make a terrible couple.  Maybe it's fate for them!?  I could see it in the stars!

So, only God knows what the outcome will be, but these are the guys who are the least offensive on the ole glems (that's jive-speak for eyes).  Go Big Rig!!!

Spotlight on Toe Heads

Toe heads are just one of the many breed of men I fancy (I do not discriminate)!  Who can resist that pale skin and white blonde hair?!  Not me!  That's for sure.  Add in a pair of big ole plump lips, and you've created a walking dream!  I was googling "famous pale people," "famous blonde pale men," and "famous toe heads," and believe it or not, the results were not plentiful.  George Washington kept coming up...

So figuring that I'm not the only one out there with a passion for toe heads, I thought I'd do you all the service of highlighting some lovely blondes so that if you ever google "famous albinos," your search actually might turn up some results. (And PS I'm not sure if these people are all 100% certified toe heads, but you work with what you can...)

Michael Pitt (toe featured above) is my number one yellow locked man.  He's got it down.  This man needs no caption.

Ryan Gosling: He could use a little Sun-In.  He's teetering on the edge of dirty blonde, but who doesn't love Noah Calhoun?  Maybe one of the world's most loved wheat haired men.

Spencer Pratt (on left in picture above): Not my favorite toe, but a toe nonetheless (and Spence, you should stay out of the sun.  Tans don't look good on toes!  Plus, you're more prone to get a narsty sunburn). 

 

Nick Carter: I have a feeling his blonde might have come from a bottle, but I'll let it slide.  Well, only if he'll get his brother, Aaron, to dance for me.

Macaulay Culkin: Classic.  He looks a lot like Michael Pitt to me, but not as dashing. 

Aaron from Taking The Stage (on left): Seeing as he's still in high school, he's our juvie toe.  He's even taking tips from Spencer, growing his own flesh colored beard!

Chet from The Real World: Virgin Toe!

So there you have it.  I hope that everybody searching for fair skinned male beauties on the internet can find some sanctuary here. 

Just trying to do my part. 

Cliff's Favorite Reality TV Bromances

Oh me.  Oh my.  You know I love some reality TV.  You can't really blame me; it's enthralling stuff!  I've noticed a trend on some of these shows.  Sometimes when people join the cast of a reality show, they form stronger relationships than they'd ever bargained for.  Friendships that will last a lifetime, if you will.  Some of the most touching bonds that have been formed have been between men, and I'm not talking gay men.  I'm talking bromances.  I just love it when two men can lean on one another and shed a tear.  I love it when they can talk about emotions and wipe bits of salsa off their bro's cheek.  And I especially love it when the producers of such shows create video montages of the two bros set to the backdrop of cheesy love songs, as if they were really romantically in love.

So this has led me to some thinking, which in turn resulted in Cliff Pant-one's Favorite Bromances of Reality TV (in no particular order) list!  Hold onto your socks, cuz I'm about to knock 'em off:

Ryan and Chet (Real World: Brooklyn)

 

These two had a connection that was undeniable.  From the moment they entered the house, it was them against the world.

Nick and Aaron Carter (House of Carters)

 

Just because they're brothers doesn't mean they can't be bromantical.  Nick's tough love helped strengthen Aaron's grasp on the ropes of life, and in the process, created a bromance that could make the toughest meat-head weep.

Luke and Alex(Bromance)

 

They were competing for a Bromance with Brody Jenner, but they found something they could never have dreamed of: each other.

Tim Gunn and Andrae Gonzalo (Project Runway, Season 2)

 

This was a classic case of teacher falls for student (and vice versa).  So adorable!  -(and yes they are gay, but not romantically involved, so I conside it a bromance)- Somebody also made a hysterical video about this one.  Check it below!

There is something to say for these bromances: they are real.  That is why it's called REALITY TV.  Beavis and Butthead, Rickey and Fred, Jerry and George- they got nothing on these guys. 

Life's Little Riddles: Are reality stars telling us their real ages?!

I love reality TV, but sometimes I feel like the stars of the show look so much older than their real ages.  Sometimes I'll look it up on the Internet and be like "WHAT?!  HUH?!" (think Britney Spears in her infamous YouTube video- the one in which she finds out that Spun has already come out on DVD). 

Soooo, I'd like to go over some reality stars who, I believe, are fudging the truth about their ages.  And I'm not saying they are for sure!  I'm just trying to figure out if they are liars or if the TV just makes people look old.  Okay, let's get started!

#1: Ashley from Rock of Love Bus, My ESTIMATED age: 25  

REAL age: 22

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ashley.  I think she is hilarious (and pretty)!  BUT, I just didn't think she was 22.  I'm 24, and I thought she would at least be my age.  I was just surprised. 

#2Tommy from Tool Academy: My ESTIMATED age: 26

 

REAL Age: 23

I love Tommy.  I think he is really hot, even if he is kind of a dingbat.  And he seemed like a sweet guy until the reunion. But I just never imagined him as 23.  If I saw him at a bar, I would def think he was older than me.  But I would be mistaken. Hmm.

Leslie from House of Carters: My ESTIMATED age (at time of the show): 24

REAL Age (at time of the show): 19

Yet ANOTHER of my favorite shows.  I just wouldn't have guessed in a million years that she was 19 on the show.  She is 22 now, and that is even younger than I would have guessed.  I am really just baffled.  This photo was taken at the time of taping.  I couldn't find a good screen cap to show what she looked like on the show, but this is a really good picture of her.  I'm starting to conclude that the TV just ages you.

#4 McKey from America's Next Top Model: My ESTIMATED age: 25

 

REAL age (at time of the show & this photo): 19

Now, I suspect that McKey looking old had a lot to do with the "make-over" Tyra gave her.   If that isn't a mom haircut, I don't know what is.

So what do you think?  In addition to 10 lbs, does the camera add on a few years?!  I KNOW that there are other reality stars that I've thought look older than they really are, but it's hard to think of them on demand.  I'll be wracking my brain- don't you worry - and

if

when I think of them, I'll add!!

Rock of Love Bus: Ashley Attempts to Drunk-Eat Lean Cuisine Stuffed Cabbage

Last night's Rock of Love Bus included the best moment of the season thus far.  This moment went like this:

Ashely had way too much to drink at Bret's show, and she came back to the bus wanting a little something to eat.  Drunk eating is common among women- we all do it.  So Ashley decides to make a Lean Cuisine Stuffed Cabbage with Whipped Potatoes meal. 

The scene opens with her yelling "WHO LIKES BASILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL?!!?"  Then she falls over and drops the meal.  She then flings it at some other girl, and is like "HOW DO I MAKE THISSS - REMOVE TRAY AND CUT FOILLLLLLLL....BAUTCHHHH. (that is how she pronounces bitch)."  It is virtually impossible for me to describe how hilarious this is, so I'm going to have to direct you to a link.  Click here (and then click the video on the side that says "are we there yet? episode 7") to see the scene (it's actually an extended scene from the website, so you'll get to see even MORE of the amazing footage).

And while I'm on the subject of Ashley, does she remind anybody else of Juliette Lewis? 

And another point of interest: how is the stuffed cabbage?  Looking at the Lean Cuisine website, the meal is described as "stuffed cabbage filled with a delicious blend of roasted ground beef, rice and seasonings.  Topped with a chunky tomato sauce and served with a side of whipped potatoes."  I imagine that the cabbage would be really soggy and disguisting.  Maybe it's better Ash didn't get into the plastic film, because stuffed cabbage with chunky tomatos would NOT be fun coming up, if you get my drift.  BUT the meal only has 220 KCals, so it IS a healthy drunk eating choice...much more forgiving than the hunk of chocolate cake I ate that was basically as big as my head.  And one more point: the website does not mention ANYTHING about the stuffed cabbage containing basil, so I'm going to have to assume that Ashley is a dingbat (yes) or that she was reading something else in the cupbord that contained basil, and not wanting to eat baisl, she opted for the cabbage.  CASE CRACKED!

Enjoy your day!

If Only...

If only Cliff had compiled his/her list of the hottest reality TV personalities just a month later, these two would have been included.

Allie Crandell from The City

Tommy Houlihan from Tool Academy

Tommy (aka "Slacker Tool") did not have the most extensive photo album...but trust me, he is hot.)

...just sayin'...

Cliff Pant-one's Hottest Men of Reality TV

As promised!  I had trouble narrowing it down!!!

Number 10: Santino Rice (Project Runway)

Number 9: Bret Michaels (Rock of Love)

Number 8: Isaac Stout (Real World Sydney)

Number 7: Cohutta Lee (Real World Sydney)

Number 6: Joshua Allen (So You Think You Can Dance)

Number 5: CT Tamburello (Real World Paris)

 

 

Number 4: Andre Birleanu (America's Most Smartest Model)

 

 

Number 3: Justin Bobby (The Hills)

 

 

Number 2: Kenny Wormald (Dance Life)

 

Number 1: Danny Nunez (Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency)

 

It was hard, but I had to narrow it down.  Honorable mention goes to pretty much every guy on The Real World challenge shows.

Cliff Pant-one's Hottest Girls of Reality TV

I saw some list of this nature, and I thought it sucked.  It included people such as Pumpkin (Flavor of Love) and Frenchie (Rock of Love).  I'm sure some people find them sexy, but I just thought I could do better.  So I started to compile my list, and one thing became very apparent: I am very heterosexual.  I think women are beautiful, and I thought I would have NO problem thinking of the hottest ones on reality TV, but I got stumped.  I could only think of seven that I feel are georgous to the point that they could be on CP's list.  So here they are (and don't worry, a guy list is coming later):

Number 7:  Holly Huddleston (Sunset Tan)

(Holly is on the right in this pic.  Molly (on the left) is pretty too, so she can be on the list as an honorable mention.)

Number 6: Chante Leblanc (Maui Fever)

Number 5: Dani Evans (America's Next Top Model)

 

Number 4: Brittany Flickinger (Paris Hilton's My New BFF)

Number 3: Kim Stolz (America's Next Top Model)

Number 2: Alexis Hutt (Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency)

 

Number 1: Anna Stimson (Maui Fever)

I'm pretty sure all of these girls have gone onto work in the modeling/acting industry.  Looking at my choices, do you think I have a type?  Blondes! 

Just Sayin': Lacey Conner = Ultimate Stain!

Lacey Conner is the most annoying person on the planet.  I want to throw telephone books at her head.  How is she still on Rock of Love Charm School?  She's like a roach that won't die (figuratively speaking, of course). Can't Sharon see that she is the devil?!  Or is she just still on for ratings?!  She makes me insane!!!  AHHHH!!! MY blood is boiling!  I can't believe Dallas got expelled.  Dallas should have beat Lacey up when she had the chance (since she ended up going home for nothing).  

Why is Lacey so annoying? 
1.  She acted like she was a starving artist when she really lived off her dad's money (and she's 32).
2.  She acts like she is 14, trying to play games and get in everybody's face (and she's 32).
3.  She has Hot Topic-esque dyed neon red hair (and she is 32).
4.  She harps and harps about animal rights and she eats SALMON!!!  (I don't even eat salmon!)
5.  She looks like a wet rat/white female version of Ja Rule.
6.  She thinks she's a rock star. 
7.  She is a master manipulator!

Typically, I try not to point out other peoples' bad points, but I think Lacey is the most annoying person on television (even more so than Gary Busey, Dustin Diamond, Dunbar from Real World, Neveen & Cordilla from Bad Girls Club, Spencer Pratt and Lauren Conrad combined).  I just can't help it.  I'm sure she would think it's fab that people hate her.  I bet she loves it. If you've seen her on TV, you know what I mean.  All I'm sayin' is that I'm going to quit watching the show if she's not expelled next week.  Oh wait, who am I kidding...I'll never quit.